Cory gives an interpretation of a painting by "Alexandra Nechita", but it's completely wrong, as is pointed out by the real Alexandra Nechita, a real life child prodigy. I have no idea how she ended up on this show, but I wouldn't even know who she is otherwise. Our hero makes a real jackass out of himself here. It's a bit uncharacteristic, but still funny.
Cory clumsily apologizes, while Feeny begins to drool over the child prodigy. He starts in with a barrage of complicated, artsy fartsy, hoity toity blabbledyblark questions, and she looks none too excited about those topics. I smell a character arc!
Feeny: "Step aside while I talk to the genius."
While we're on the subject of character arcs, it looks like Cory's going to resurrect his classic inferiority complex. That's been one of the most recurring elements of Cory's character since the very beginning, where he doesn't think he's interesting, or good enough, or what have you, only to be convinced otherwise by the end of the episode, usually because of something Shawn says or does. And we can nitpick, like "Why does he always have this problem if he's fixed it so many times?", but in this particular case, that's a bad argument. How many times have you just had a day where you're like "damn I suck, what am I doing with my life", and then you have to pick yourself back up? Happens to me at least once a week. Everybody's got their ups and downs, Cory's no exception.
Anyway.
Cory mentions that Nechita is the same age as his sister, establishing his inferiority of the day, and Nechita herself overhears. For some reason she sees the prospect of meeting a complete stranger as fuckin CHRISTMAS just because she's the same age and gender. So that's how Alexandra Nechita ends up in Cory Matthews's kitchen. She doesn't even have a chaperon or her parents or anything. Some moron at an art museum has a sister? BETTER SKEDADDLE.
So Morgan and the prodigy hit it off right away, but it's weird since Morgan looks ten years younger. Looks can be deceiving though. The two are actually the same age, both thirteen for this episode, and in fact Lindsay Ridgeway (Morgan) is two months older.
The two girls run off to play Banjo Kazooie in Morgan's room, which is the single greatest way to foster a powerful friendship. (Grant Kirkhope? Are you out there? Do you read my blog, Grant Kirkhope? I love you.)
Meanwhile, at The Apartment, it's more of exactly the same. Eric really needs to go to the bathroom, but he's holding it in, afraid to leave Jack alone with Rachel. This proves to be a somewhat ineffective long-term strategy, as he has to run off immediately after Jack tricks him into drinking some water. The moment Jack gets a chance, it's... business as usual.
Rachel: "Like he has to worry about us being alone together, right?"
Jack: "I want you to marry me."
Rachel plays it off as a joke, and then starts choking on that hot dog. Unfortunately for Jack, that's not a euphemism.
If I wrote... a list... of the things on television that make me the MOST pissed off... The "It's not what it looks like" gag would be a TOP. FUCKING. CONTENDER. I have the video paused as Rachel's choking, a blind man can see what's about to happen. Jack's gonna do the Heimlich and Eric's gonna walk out and go 'WAHHHAHAGHHRHHAH". I am dreading pressing play again, but here goes nothing.
(a gif of exactly what I said would happen)
Being this right isn't as fun as you might think. It was even worse since they started off with the "he doesn't realize she's choking at first" thing. What an annoying waste of time. The only takeaway is that Rachel feels extremely indebted to Jack and Eric is jealous.
Cory is in his room with Shawn, looking over all his lame participation trophies from his childhood and teen years. Okay, see, I thought we were doing "I'm not interesting", which was the reason for that explanation earlier. Now it seems like we're doing "I've never been interesting", which is a little harder to swallow. I mean the guy literally traveled back in time twice, that's gotta be worth something.
Everyone who has ever seen this episode is in love with that moment and wants that celery poster. That is just genius. Down in the kitchen, it's some shit we don't care about. Amy and Alan ask Morgan if some other girl named Ellouise is the reason she's not going to enter "the talent show at the youth center". Yeah more like EL-LOSER. Apparently SMELLOUISE wins every year, so there's no point in trying,
The parents tell their daughter she doesn't have to compete if she doesn't want to, which is nice of them, but Cory accuses them of "grooming another 8th place honorable mention nothin special *something I can't understand*". He goes on to quite ruthlessly insult his father's inability to raise him beyond normalcy. "I'm average because you're average." Alan looks absolutely heartbroken, and I don't blame him. Cory is a real punk sometimes.
I really hate it when tv shows and movies do this, but now we're just magically out of that awkward or tense situation, as if everyone just walked away. There's a quick group therapy session with our four freshman in Cory's dorm, until Alan arrives to whisk his son off to Learn-A-Lesson Land. But not before we take a trip back to Rachel Land.
Jack finally decides to cash in his favor with Rachel by asking for a PB&J sandwich. Eric realizes that Jack isn't a huge jerk, and that's why he's not using his favor on something that involves genitalia. And that's it, that's their story for this episode. Not interesting or exciting, and it's not even very funny. Besides, I'm sure they'll both be back to preying on Rachel in the next episode anyway. So it's all pointless.
So yeah, learn a lesson land.
Is it supposed to be terrifying? Either way, it's the exact same place where Shawn and Jack reconciled back in 5x02. Shawn and Jack used to live here with Chet before Jack's mom left. You can see the green doorframe that leads to the apartment in both pictures.
You thought I wouldn't notice, didn't you, Michael Jacobs?
YOUUUUUUU THOUGHT I WOULDN'T NOTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
So why are we here now? That little store in the bottom left of the first picture is the store where Alan's father worked for 40 years, and where Alan himself got his first job.
Alan: "Try and see what 'average' looked like from here. For me, 'average'? 'Average' was a dream."
Alan goes on to explain that he was proud of his father, and respected him, because he did the best that he could. Further, "maybe if my son thinks that 'average' is nothing, then, I've done my job..." And that really is a fantastic line. While he doesn't approve of looking down on "average", he's provided a life for Cory where it's at least possible to do that. And that's beautiful, in a sort of sad way. What's interesting is that Cory's attitude toward being average didn't upset Shawn at all. I'm surprised he didn't have the sort of reaction that we're seeing from Alan.
It's time for that talent show we heard about earlier. HELLOUISE is twirling flaming batons, which is definitely a tough act to follow. Alexandra Necktie is giving Morgan a pep talk backstage, and eventually the singing happens. She's chosen "Wind Beneath My Wings," and she's a decent enough singer. Cory eventually joins in, singing the lyrics at his father as an impulsive apology.
Ben Savage really gives his all here, with hilarious results. But obviously it's supposed to be silly rather than emotional.
We never learn who won the talent show, which is probably the best way to go. Morgan winning would have been disingenuous and Disney-y (Like when Riley won that award on Girl Meets World recently? Holy shit I almost threw up). And Morgan losing would have just been a bad use of time. So anyway, Alan and his fuzzy headed son have one last heart to heart. Cory admits that it was just easy to blame his father, when it's really up to himself to make his own life something to be proud of. Alan explains that that's what life is, is finding your own validation, and some people do find it through their talent.
Cory: "But what if I'm not talented?"
Alan: "Other people find it in other ways."
Good old Alan. I love what they've done here. Instead of going for the "everyone is good at something, you'll find your talent" which just feels straight out of Full House, he's explaining that validation can come from all kinds of places, which in his case was raising a family. And they don't say it, but of course Feeny's way was through teaching. Good stuff.
During the credits, Eric pretends to be electrocuted by his toaster to get mouth to mouth from Rachel.
It doesn't work. Real twist, I know.
Plot: 0.25 - Cory whines and complains and is mean to his family. Eric and Jack don't do anything.
Character Development: 1.0 - We delve deeper into the well-developed character of Alan Matthews, and William Russ gives a great performance as always.
Humor: 0.5 - Disappointing is probably the best word. Still funny sometimes, like the celery poster, but the laughs were scarce. This was the least-funny we've seen Eric in a loooooong time.
Life Lesson: 1.0 - "If my son thinks average is nothing, then I guess I did my job", and "Other people find it in other ways."
2.75 out of 4.0. The plot is extremely thin. This isn't what I was hoping for, where Cory tries to make something out of himself, like we saw a lot in season 2. He just bitches about it the entire time, without every actually doing anything. And we know he's capable! He joined the wrestling team, started a school radio show, he was a goddamn TV celebrity in Quiz Show! He is more than capable of being good at things, but he just sat around complaining. And we didn't see any character arc at all from Nechita, she just sort of dropped a trail of plot points, so we could move through the story. And I don't even wanna talk about The Apartment anymore.
On the other hand, Alan kicked some serious ass, and the Lessons were strong. So it's worth watching if that's what you're looking for.
Thanks for reading, see you Friday!
All images used under Fair Use.
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