Episode 7x02 "For Love and Apartments"

Sigh. I hope this review doesn't ruin your New Year's Eve.


Even though we ended the last episode with Shawn agreeing to go to Pittsburgh, we begin this episode with him not wanting to go anymore. I'll level with ya here Shawnie, I don't wanna go either. Topanga and Angela show up to "get the rest of [their] stuff," which presumably is in the room they lived in. It's needlessly antagonistic to just waltz into Cory's room like this.

Cory tries to cheer everyone up, but it doesn't work and Topanga takes it personally because she sucks. Then Angela, with absolutely no basis for saying it, looks at Shawn and goes "I just can't be in a relationship right now." Yeah, he knows, Angela, did you just come here to shove it in his face again? This is awful. Shawn resolves that he'll do anything to get Angela back, so the two boys head off to Pittsburgh.

Meanwhile, Eric and Jack are hanging out in what used to be Topangela's dorm. The girls never show up to get their stuff, so I don't understand what they were doing here in the first place. The boys have way too much to say about the Backstreet Boys poster on the wall, so they both decide it's time to leave. I 'on't care. Do you care? Here's a picture of a bunny.

We find Jack and Eric at Brew Lagoon asking Feeny for advice. He suggests they stand up to the "bullies", the three girls. And that's what they're gonna do. And I'm not looking forward to it.

Cory and Shawn have arrived in Pittsburgh and are preparing to start meddling. Shawn suggests that they first figure out why Mama and Papa Lawrence split up in the first place, a stunning display of insight- but Cory swats down that idea immediately because he doesn't think it matters. This is fucking ridiculous. At the very least, we get the first use of the phrase "Topangela" in the show.

Cory: "Do you wanna be back with Topangela or not?"
Shawn: "Topangela?"
Cory: "I'm just tryin to save time here."

So that's nice.

Jedediah Lawrence invites the boys in, though he doesn't seem happy to see Shawn for an as yet unexplained reason. He's played by a new actor, so this is the third incarnation of Jed that we've seen. He doesn't even have the same hair color, it's like they just picked the first guy who walked in to the audition. Cory is so super duper condescending in this scene, it makes me furious. He's explaining how he believes in love and love's purpose, and that Jed has "forgotten" how love works. "I'm eighteen and have had one long term girlfriend who I almost cheated on once so you better listen to me, buster."

It looks like Jed might be coming around, but then we learn that Rhiannon is the one who kicked him out. I guess the boys just sort of assumed it was the other way around. So we hop over to Rhiannon's place, and she's played by a new actress with a different hair color. Cory starts spitting his usual spiel, but it's not getting him anywhere.

Rhiannon: "You're young, you don't understand what happens when people fall out of love."

Boom, done, case closed, can we all go home? Cory is insufferable right now. He's acting like it's impossible to fall out of love, even though that's exactly what happened with Rachel and Jack, and Cory didn't seem to care one lick about that.

Rhiannon: "It's just not as easy as that."
Cory: "Yes, it is!"

Who could have possibly read this script and said "yeah this is fine let's put this on tv." Is it supposed to be endearing? Or cute or romantic? WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT I'M NOT GETTING?

You know, I ate a can of Chunky soup about two hours ago, and I'm already hungry again. It's delicious but it goes right through me...

So Cory sort of fibs that Jed really wants to sit down and talk with Rhiannon, so she agrees to see him. At The Apartment, Eric and Jack demand the apartment back which is stupid since Jack willingly gave it up in the previous episode. Jack says that the girls are just bullies and that he's never backed down from a bully, EXCEPT WHEN HE BACKED DOWN AND GAVE THEM THE APARTMENT.

Topanga challenges the boys to a "steel cage match" for The Apartment. The boys decide that they're afraid of Topanga just because she crushes a soda can on her forehead.

Jack: "How are we supposed to wrestle... without a referee?"
Eric: "Yup, he's right. We can't do this."

As absurd as this situation is, that is probably one of Jack's funniest moments, just because he completely nails the timing, gesturing, and facial expressions. Doesn't matter though, since the professional wrestler Mankind breaks down the door to The Apartment and offers to be the referee.

.......Yup. Alright.

 So the fighting starts with Rachel taking a swing at Jack. I don't know why Rachel's fighting since she gets to live here regardless. Jack doesn't want to hurt Rachel, but she has no problem slamming his face into a plate of hamburgers a few times. Yeah you read that right. Rachel tags out to Angela, who also slams Jack into the table. Things aren't going very well.

Eric: "I don't know where to grab! All I see are girl parts!"
Mankind: "Don't touch those!"

This is pretty damn stupid, but Mankind has a funny voice, so that almost makes it enjoyable for me. Has any other sitcom featured professional wrestlers? We've had like twenty on Boy Meets World. It's weird. Whatever. The girls win. Also the door isn't broken anymore.

Jed shows up at Rhiannon's place, It looks like some Hollywood Magic might get these two back together, but thankfully Boy Meets World remembered that it's not supposed to be bull shit. We learn that Jed's in love with someone new, and even though he and Rhiannon reach a level of amiability here, they're still as divorced as ever.

Shawn: "Cor.."
Cory: "...Yeah?"
Shawn: "What if we don't know anything?"

Then all of this would happen.

Jokes aside, that line is pretty awesome. I talk about this every time it comes up, and we haven't had one in a while, but I love those moments of self awareness where someone (usually Cory) says that they don't know anything. I said in the past that it's a recurring theme, and as you can see, I wasn't making shit up.

At some point in the near future, we find everybody in a classroom a few minutes before class starts. Cory admits to Topanga that they went to see her parents, and of course her immediate reaction is to take personal offense and get angry at him.

Shawn, to Topanga: "Hey hey! Knock it off!

FINALLY. Thank you, Shawn. Jeeeeeeeesus, it's about time.

Shawn explains that Cory did everything for her, and she cools down. Cory admits that "sometimes love just dies" and Topanga doesn't want to speak with him further. Taking their seats, Cory tells Shawn "Now it's over."

Shawn: "You've never said that before."
Cory: "Yeah well I never believed it before either."

Well in all reality it should be over at this point. This is definitely new though, with Cory finally accepting it. That alone is enough to convince a first time viewer that this might actually be happening, which, if nothing else, makes a powerful statement about Cory's character.

During the credits, Mankind hangs out with Jack and Eric and I guess it's probably funny for people who follow wrestling.

Plot: 0.25 - The only reason I didn't give it zero is because Rhiannon and Jed didn't get back together. I would have given up on the series however many years ago if Cory had been successful.

Character Development: 0.5 - Cory believes that his relationship with Topanga is over. I would give it the full point if I didn't know that it's only temporary. And also the "What if we don't know anything?"

Humor: 0.5 - Mankind, Eric, and Jack were okay.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Sometimes, love just dies.

1.75 out of 4.0. It had some redeeming qualities, but not nearly enough. The whole wrestling scene lasted wayyyyyy too long, it was obvious they were stretching for content. The whole thing is devoid of content, really. Cory is the most naive he has ever been, and it's almost painful to watch. It's certainly annoying and frustrating. And as I explained in the last review, the whole apartment situation is fucking ridiculous. I really want this arc to be over.

There's been a lot of talk in the comments about Season-7-Eric, and at this point I'm still undecided. He had to deal with stupid nonsense situations in this episode, so I don't think it's fair to judge yet.

Thanks for reading, see you in 2015.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 7x01 "Show Me The Love"

Hope you all had a good week last week. Good enough to compensate for how shitty this week is going to be, at least as far as this blog is concerned. These episodes are actually physically painful to watch, and not just because they make you punch the screen over and over.

This marks the first time that the title sequence is carried over from the previous season. 5 to 6 used the same general thing, but 6 added shots of Rachel. This time nothing is different at all, which is a bit of a let down.

One last thing before we dive in. I'm just gonna directly paste a comment on my review of Bee True from a lovely Anonymous.

Hey man! Just wanted to share this with you. Micky Dolenz directed this episode, right? Rider Strong recently told an AWESOME story that happened behind the scenes when they were filming this episode. It involved Strong, Dolenz, and... Justin Timberlake. (Apparently the guys from N*SYNC were hanging out a lot on the set in the 6th/7th season because Danielle Fishel was dating Lance Bass)

You should listen to the story. It's worth it, it's only a couple of minutes. It starts in the 52:17 mark: http://www.literarydisco.com/2014/03/04/episode-50-qa/

It really is hilarious. 

Shawn and Cory kick things off with a bit of meta humor about how they've got Feeny as their teacher for every course this year. Yeah don't drink that joke all in one gulp, cuz it's all we've got for another twenty minutes. The boys proceed into The Dorm, where they mope and complain about their love lives. Shawn seems pretty miserable and comments that the previous year was terrible. That's confusing, since in the finale of season 6, Shawn says to Eric, "I feel really good about my life right now." So there's your lesson folks, personal fulfillment and satisfaction are worth jack when the girl you like doesn't want to date you.

So we're already frustrated with the setup, and that's just Shawn, who's secondary here.  Topanga shows up with the news that her parents officially filed for divorce that morning, and things are pretty awkward and tense.

Topanga: "I just don't want to get married anymore."
Cory: "Even though we love each other?"
Topanga: "So did my parents."

Those aren't suspenders, they're her backpack straps. Even though she took off her backpack when she came in.

The Chubnomenon's power reaches all the way out to The Dorm today, causing Angela to show up just in time. Shawn mentioned earlier that he asked Angela to be his girlfriend again somewhere between seasons, and she hasn't really given him an answer yet, so he's still sort of waiting on that. Topanga explains that she no longer thinks love exists, and then walks out without making any sense.

Angela: "Topanga... makes sense."

What?! This is fucking ridiculous. Not only has Topanga changed into a completely different person, she's taking poor Angela along for the ride. "If love exists then why do people hurt each other all the time?" Where do you even start to explain how fucking stupid that is? A few sentences from Topanga here have convinced Angela not to be with Shawn. For crying out loud, on the list of a thousand reasons not to date Shawn Hunter, this is the one she listens to? I'm already exhausted with this.

Now, okay, alright, in 7x04 we're going to learn that Angela's mother walked out on her family, which is supposed to justify Angela's quick boarding of the Topanga Crazy Train here in this episode. Something like "my mother walked out so I'll inevitably walk out on you". But then why has she never been afraid of being with Shawn before?! I'm asking questions that don't have answers, this plot is a disaster, so let's move on.

Cory and Shawn are going to be following the girls around forever, so they all end up at Brew Lagoon, where they find Jack and Rachel. Keeping with the theme, Jack and Rachel have broken up too, but it seems like they're still good friends. Jack, by the way, has turned into a bronze Adonis in between seasons, and Rachel's hair is a little longer, which I think is a nice improvement too. The boys follow the girls outside now, and they are quickly replaced by Eric, who has a huge announcement to share with everyone in The Union.

*Eric pulls off a wig, revealing much shorter hair."

I like this because, as Eric explains, it symbolizes his efforts to make changes in his life. There was that point in early season 5 where Eric magically had shorter hair without any comment from anyone, but we're probably not supposed to remember that. Either way, he sits down to talk with Rachel and Jack, and this whole scene is classic Eric, really funny stuff. It gives me the strength to go on.

Outside, Feeny finds the warring Corpanga, who quickly drag him into the argument. Feeny uses blatant common sense to explain to Topanga that she must only look at herself and Cory when making decisions about herself and Cory. Even this insane incarnation of Topanga isn't crazy enough to argue with Feeny, so she goes off to think about what he said. Don't get your hopes up though.

Eric: "Feeneh!"
Feeny: "........ Eric!"

Ahhh, at long last, the (I think) only instance of the "Eric Call" from Feeny. Awesome.

Eric explains his haircutting metamorphosis, as well as the fact that he's been sleeping in Feeny's car at night since he got kicked out of the apartment. Eric believes that he can move back in with Jack and Rachel now that they've broken up, and thus won't be sleeping in Feeny's car anymore. Again, classic Eric, very funny.

At home, we're seeing something pretty rare, a Morgan plot thread. I don't think we've seen one of these since Alexandra Nechita. Although, it's really a joint-venture between her and Alan. Anyway, she's got her very first date tonight, with a boy in the 8th grade. This is one of the most overdone sitcom stories ever, where dad's being overprotective of his little girl.

Alan: "What's wrong with the boys in the 5th grade?!"
Morgan: "I'm in the 7th grade, dad!"
Alan: "Don't lie to me."

Apparently Morgan is in the 7th grade now, which means it's time to investigate. Okay I couldn't come up with anything, but there's gotta be a moment somewhere in the first two seasons where Amy or Alan or Morgan mentions how old Morgan is or what grade she's in. I'm curious if she follows the same time skipping as Cory and Shawn, or if she ages linearly like Eric (who turns 16 in season 1 and graduates at the end of season 3). I'm assuming it's the latter. First grade in season 1 sounds about right.

Topanga and Angela arrive at The Dorm to give their verdicts on all this bull shit. Spoiler, their verdicts are bull shit too.

Topanga: "It's just too painful to think about you and I ending up like my parents. Our relationship has to be over."

This is fucking ridiculous! This is the same girl from Long Walk to Pittsburgh? From Starry Night? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSEEEEEEEEE.

So, what, is she just never gonna date again? It's completely incomprehensible. And Angela tells Shawn they can't be together either, obviously. Ugh. This is the second time Topanga has broken up with Cory. The second time. And they had a mutual breakup in season 3. IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON CORY. Anyone who can break your heart so flippantly is not worth hanging on to.

The boys try to console one another, and reason out that the girls are probably moving out of the dorm to get away from them. Indeed they are, as Eric and Jack find out at The Apartment, where Rachel has invited Topangela to move in.

Eric: "The Autobiography of Malcom Ten... Rachel must be taking arithmetic."

There was  one-sentence exchange at Brew Lagoon in that early scene between Jack and Rachel that may have POSSIBLY implied a desire to maybe adjust their living arrangement, but Rachel absolutely took that way too far. Like how the fuck could a rational human being not check with Jack to make sure he was moving out? This makes me angry.

It cuts over to The House where it's finally time for Morgan's date. She's wearing something she calls a "tankini", a mix of a tanktop and bikini top, and even I think this one's a little too much for a 13 year old's first date. The boy arrives at the door and Amy brings him into the kitchen. He's got that 90's-as-fuck spiky gelled hair. We learn that it's the boy's first date, which makes everyone a little more comfortable, and Morgan manages to make it out of the house in her "tankini".

A group-effort-guilt-trip occurs at The Apartment, and Jack's a big pushover when Rachel's involved, so now he and Eric are stuck with nowhere to live. Eric is still hilarious though.

Cory sees his parents quickly resolve their fight about Morgan dating, and "realizes" that Topanga's parents can resolve their problems if they simply remember that they love each other. And who better to remind them than the Cory and Shawn Dream Team.

Shawn: "We could ruin Topanga's parents' lives, and ours."
Cory: "Yes I know. Are ya with me?!"
Shawn: "Yeah..."

During the credits, Jack and Eric are shown having dinner in the backseat of Feeny's car. It's worth a good chuckle.

Plot: 0 - Pbbbbthhhhhhh

Character Development: 0.25 - Alan accepting his daughter's growing up is worth some points, I guess.

Humor: 1.0 - Eric was great throughout, and Cory had a lot of funny moments too, even though I didn't really mention them.

Life Lesson: 0 - God dammit, Topanga.

1.25 out of 4.0. This is only the beginning. We've got another three or four episodes of this frustration. Hopefully Eric will be consistently funny. That's about all we have to look forward to right now.

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x22 "State of the Unions"

There was no commented response to me comparing that guy to Jon Stewart in the last post. I thought that was hilarious. Also, I completely forgot to mention in 6x19 that that episode was directed by Mickey Dolenz. How cool is that? Though I have no idea why he decided to be so involved with this series.

Well we're here. The place where it all goes wrong. Hopefully I can keep from going insane after this point, but you can expect at least one "This is fucking ridiculous" in each of the next five or so reviews.


Topanga finds Cory at Brew Lagoon in The Union with the news of a recently available date at the wedding hall. Cory explains that he's been having more nightmares about marriage, and it's a funny little bit as he explains his most recent one. He adds, though, that it's not enough to dissuade him from getting married so I don't know why he brought it up. Topanga offers no advice or consolation, and just doesn't seem to care at all. Nice.

Cory wonders how she can be so certain and unafraid of getting married, and this is where it all starts to crumble. She says "I just look at our parents, Cory." Yes, Topanga is using the fact that her parents and Cory's parents got married young and remain deeply in love to convince herself that her marriage with Cory will work out. That, instead of, I don't know, how much she loves Cory, or how well they've always gotten along, or that she has faith in their relationship, no no no, that would be silly! Forget that nonsense. They'll be fine because her parents are fine. Who, by the way, are coming into town to discuss the wedding.

Bolander, walking by with Feeny: "Feeny and I are getting married Sunday."

Is it weird that she called him "Feeny" in that context? Amy and Alan almost always call him "George".

So Feeny and Bolander are hanging out with Amy and Alan in their kitchen, relaying the news about their upcoming wedding. Amy insists that they have the wedding in her living room, which... um... okay, sure... but that's all secondary to Cory storming in and declaring "Big trouble." He's using his angry-anxiousy voice, you'll know what I mean if you hear it, it's always hilarious. This is some high quality stuff from Cory.

The scene moves to the living room after Feeny and Bolander leave, where we learn that Cory is taking every precaution possible for the meeting with Topanga's parents. After the events in "Long Walk to Pittsburgh" and him keeping Topanga from going to Yale, Cory is understandably worried that her parents hate him. To mitigate as much damage as possible, he's prepared index cards of Do's and Don't's for his own parents to follow, including no impressions from Alan, and no singing from Amy.

I don't think we've seen Topanga's mother before, but that's definitely not Peter Tork, who played Jedediah several times in earlier season. Now we've got Anette O'Toole as Rhiannon Lawrence, who I only know as Clark Kent's mother on Smallville, and Michael McKean as Jed, who played the lead singer of fictional-but-now-sort-of-also-real band Spinal Tap in This is Spinal Tap. O'Toole and McKean have proven that sometimes the Irish and Scottish don't hate each other, since they're married in real life.

Meanwhile, Eric finds Shawn at The Union, and Shawn offers a listening ear for Eric's troubles, adding "... can we do that..?", which made me laugh. They take it one step further by reminding us that they lived together for a whole year and still never really got close. It's always nice when the show laughs at itself. So Eric explains that he's lost everything: his home, Rachel, Jack, and now Feeny. He doesn't mention Tommy though, which I think is a wasted opportunity. Shawn suggests that perhaps Eric was more in love with the competition with Jack than Rachel, which seems to strike a chord.

Eric: "Chicks totally dig people that are grieving! Now, don't get me wrong, I know it was your dad and everything, but I'm pretty sure it was a fix."

Fortunately, Shawn Hunter is here to dispense the fortune cookie enlightenment he obtained during his road trip. It doesn't really resonate with Eric, but he appreciates the sentiment, and resolves to search for his own fortune cookie enlightenment. On the other hand, as is the way of this show, the content is less important than the sentiment. I do like the idea of Eric and Shawn buddying up, and their chemistry is obvious right away.

At home, the four parents are socializing in the living room while Cory and Topanga spy on them from the kitchen.

Topanga: "See I look at them and that's how I know we're gonna be okay."

This is fucking ridiculous. Who does this! On principle alone you shouldn't be comparing your potential marriage to anyone else's marriage, let alone using someone else's success as the driving force for your own. It's just so stupid, but I don't need to sit here harping about since Cory's gonna do that for us soon enough.

The parents have some playful argument about television shows, and Alan ends up doing a terrible impression of Johnny Carson, directly against the rules on Cory's index cards. Jedediah starts a hushed argument with Rhiannon about some nonsense, making everyone feel awkward, and showing the viewer that this marriage may not be as stable as Topanga thinks. Baby Joshua cries, perhaps as a result of the hushed argument, it's hard to say, so Amy sings him a lullaby, another strike against Cory's rules. Alan mumbles out another bad impression, the third strike, prompting one of my all-time favorite Cory lines.

Cory: "What the hell are you doing?!"

The family portrait above the fireplace there caught my eye, and I noticed that it's an updated portrait with Lindsay Ridgeway as Morgan, so I did a little investigating. The portrait from season 1 with Lily Nicksay lasts all the way through season 3, which is interesting since Ridgeway takes over mid season 3 and Nicksay is not present in season 3 at all. It's not until the beginning of season 4 that a new portrait is above the fireplace, the same one that's still there now. TRIVIA. BOY MEETS WORLD. LOOK AT US. WE'RE HAVING FUN.

Jed steps outside to get some air and to get away from the argument (that he started), and Topanga pulls her mother into the kitchen to talk about what's going on. She says the same "you guys make me confident in my totally-unrelated-to-you relationship", and her mom tries in vain to explain why this is fucking ridiculous. 

At The Apartment, Jack and Rachel are still making out on the couch. That's endurance, folks. Eric shows up to explain what he realized with Shawn earlier, that it was more about the competition and that he was never really in love with Rachel at all.

They've still got the boxes of Popeye's on top of the fridge.

Eric leaves with a weight off his shoulders having reconciled with his friends, but Rachel appears to be shaken by all this talk of Jack and Eric "competing" for her. We don't get much else here, so we'll have to wait to see what comes out of this. Not that we care, right?

In The Living Room, things unravel as all the talk of marriage and happiness causes Rhiannon to break down and admit that her and Jedediah have fallen out of love, and it's clear that they're going to divorce, if they haven't already. There's one exchange in particular that's always stuck with me.

Topanga: "You guys will get through this!"
Rhiannon: "Marriage is not something to get through, Topanga! That's not why I got married."

So Topanga runs off in a very Shawn Hunter-esque fashion.

We fade over to Feeny's wedding, located in scenic The Living Room. But hey, it's free. Shawn and Angela arrive together and have a fun little conversation. It's really well placed and well timed. This is the season finale and these two have had some real turbulence this season! So this dialogue serves to round everything out and leaves us with a nice and comfortable feeling about their friendship. I like it. But it's completely forgotten when the camera moves across the room and shows us that Eric is Mister Feeny's best man. Ahhhhhhh that's so sweeeeeeeeeettttttt.

Eric: "I love you Mister Feeny."
Feeny: "I love you too Eric."

This is the second time they've said that, and I want to point out again that Feeny is hesitant to say he loves Shawn, Cory, and Topanga in the future, so this relationship really is something special. Gets me every time.

They talk a little more about how Eric's thinking of doing some traveling, and it's implied that he won't be here when Feeny gets back from his honeymoon, and that perhaps they may not see each other again. It'd make me SUPER nervous if I didn't already know that Eric is right there in the first episode of season 7. I'm watching it now, and yeah, there's no mention of Eric's traveling at all.

The procession begins, so Feeny and Bolander begin to exchange vows, and they're pretty well written, I'm a fan. Topanga spends the whole time sobbing in the audience because today is all about her. She doesn't even clap after "you may kiss the bride".

Maybe I'm being too hard on her, but... Mmmmmm I really don't think I am. Her parents are there watching the wedding too, but I can't imagine why.

So Feeny's officially married. Cory gets a phone call from the wedding hall and he tells them that that date that opened up (mentioned at the beginning of the episode) isn't going to work. It's just music and the logo during the credits, so that's the end of season six!

Plot: 0.5 - Eric was good. But the fuckin... MY PARENTS ARE MARRIED SO WE'RE GONNA BE MARRIED FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRR... Ughhhhhhhhhghghghghhhhhhh.

Character Development: 1.0 - Despite her thoroughly flawed logic, Topanga is suddenly afraid of getting married, which is significant for a while. Eric reached a resolution with Jack and Rachel, Shawn and Angela are in a good place, and Feeny got married! Good shit.

Humor: 1.0 - Cory was really solid. What the hell are you doing?!

Life Lesson: 0 - Topanga is usually intelligent, practical, and logical. There was none of that today. For fuck's sake, Shawn's dad died, but did that make him think life was a waste of time? No! It did the opposite! Shawn has a new sense of purpose and a desire to make the most out of life while he can (what I called "fortune cookie enlightenment" earlier). Good for Shawn! Similarly, you might think that Topanga would want to cherish her love with Cory for however long it lasts, but she decides instead to figure the whole thing is a waste of time and just fall to pieces. This is not the strong Topanga I've praised in the past. This is a stupid plot device and I don't like it.

2.5 out of 4.0. - The Matthew Bruthas make this worth watching, but it's still a close call. And it sets up the plot for the first five or so episodes of season 7, so if you're playing along, this episode is fairly necessary.

Thanks for sticking with me for another season. We've had a lot of lows, but also some really high highs. Rachel somehow became more of a centerpiece than Angela by the end. I've mentioned a couple times that Angela draws all of her lines from Shawn, but now that I think about it, is Rachel ever in a scene without either Jack or Eric? Not very often, that's for sure. I'm rambling, let's just close it out.

My post-season break lined up nicely with the week of Christmas, so I'll see you guys again on the 29th. If you're in the Christmas spirit, I recommend, as always, Santa's Little Helper from season 1, Turnaround from season 2, and Santa's Little Helpers here in season 6. One step further, I recommend The Muppet Christmas Carol and the Sam Adams Winter Lager.

Again, I am eternally grateful for your support. I love talking about this show with you. All the best!

Episode 6x21 "The Psychotic Episode"

The entire time I was writing the 6x20 review, I kept reminding myself to mention the Popeye's Chicken, but I never did. The whole time, there's boxes from Popeye's, the restaurant, on top of the fridge in The Apartment. Usually they use generic names like "Cola" but I guess they cut a deal with Popeye's for that one? I dunno. It's strange.

Also, fair warning, I have never bothered to watch (or read) Psycho. The guy in Eric's story in this episode is supposed to be inspired by it, so that's gonna be lost on me.

The episode kicks off with a dream sequence, where it looks like Eric's gonna move back in to The Apartment and Rachel is kissing everyone because RACHEL IS PRETTY AND IT DRIVES THE PLOT. Cory and Shawn wait for the elevator, and Cory pushes Shawn into the open elevator shaft as soon as it opens. Cory wakes up screaming and blames it on the "puppet dream", and reminds Shawn that he is his best friend, though he's really just reminding himself.

Is Cory going to murder Shawn at the end of this episode? Could be! Guess we have to keep watching!

In Feeny's class, Shawn is performing a magic trick which, as he assures Mister Feeny, is definitely part of his report of Louis Pasteur. But oh, this is a dream sequence too, and Cory strangles Shawn to death with some magic rope. In his deathy writhing, they do some sort of effect that's like... Shawn kicking the camera? Or the dream shattering? I don't really know, but Cory wakes up again.

Who's having fun yet? Me? You? Nobody? Ok.

At The Union, Shawn explains the situation with Cory's nightmares to Angela and Topanga. We see Eric sleeping on his parents' couch, and he is quickly woken up from his dream about Xena by his mother. Eric complains about not having a room, and asks Morgan, who is in the room as well, doing homework, if he can stay in her room, but of course she says no. So Morgan was there listening to Eric talk in his sleep about banging Xena the Warrior Princess. Awkward.

He tries to move in to Cory and Shawn's dorm next, but as you may have seen in the logo, that doesn't work out.

We may be locked in for another edition of "Eric saves the episode" today, folks.

Eric runs the same gambit on Topanga, and is equally unsuccessful. He ends up sleeping on the pool table in The Union, and is found by Jack and Rachel who plead with him to move back to The Apartment. He refuses, and for once Eric is not overreacting or being needlessly flamboyant. I wouldn't want to live with that either. Regardless, he starts shouting in The Union that he needs a roommate, and eventually Jon Stewart offers Eric a room in his apartment.

It's actually some actor named Charlie Newmark, but he hasn't done anything except this, really.

We have another dream sequence now, two minutes long, but there's some content this time, at least. Dream Feeny's class ends, and he gives Cory some advice about his Killing Shawn dreams. It's some nonsense dream-interpretation gobllyblargh about how Cory needs to forgive Shawn for his "cross country" drive a few episodes ago. It's better than nothing, I guess, and eventually Cory kills Shawn again, with a baseball bat this time. He wakes up in class, yelling to himself about how much we wants to kill Shawn.

Heh... That blonde girl behind Cory, she's convinced this is her big break. Just has to really nail her reaction here and she'll get discovered for sure.

I also want to mention that they're studying Hamlet here in Feeny's class, which has got to be like the SEVENTH time we've seen Hamlet in this series. Cory explains his murderous dreams after class, which is humorous, and ends up giving Shawn an entirely nonspecific forgiveness, in accordance with Dream Feeny's advice. I'm sorry, I'm so bored by this episode, I don't understand. Maybe it's the fact that we've spent five out of the last ten minutes in dreams? Is it my natural aversion to dream sequences?

Eric moves in to Jon Stewart's apartment, and so far it seems too good to be true. He's even got a really hot and friendly female neighbor named Sheila. Her last name is like, Shaggart or something, Jon Stewart kinda mumbles it when he introduces her, and it's not in the credits or her imdb page. The point is, the first syllable is "shag", prompting Eric to do an Austin Powers impression, which is even more cringey than "Oh my god they killed Kenny" in And Then There Was Shawn. Shelia is played by Leslie Danon, who was also in 5x04 as a girl named Lisa, as well as 40 episodes of a show called, and I swear this is a real name of a show with at least 40 episodes, "Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills."

That is a real show. And a real disaster. Look at this 30 second clip, the dark haired girl is Sheila in this episode of BMW. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pt8YaAY34Y0

THAT JUST HAPPENED. ON A KIDS' SHOW. I'm sure Eric would like to see that. And hey, she doesn't look very tattooed to me.

Boy that was definitely the most fun I've had writing this. Back to the grind. Cory has another screaming nightmare, of which Cory gives a pleasingly comical description. He goes to Real Feeny for advice, as well as complaining about Dream Feeny's bad advice. Well I'm real damn glad we wasted an hour on that scene with Dream Feeny then. Real Feeny suggests that Cory try to finish the dream, to see what comes after his attempt at murdering Shawn.

Jon Stewart is watching The Weather Channel and invites Eric to join him. The task proves difficult, however, since one chair is his dead mother's chair, and one of the couch cushions is where "Uncle Dave died". They do a cute little bit where Jon Stewart has to call Eric on the phone from only a few feet away rather than directly talk to him, and a lot of the humor is owed to Will Friedle being amazing.

Eric: "Polly want an autopsy! That's a dead bird!"

Eric is about to get the fuck out of crazy town, but Sheila shows up in a towel, apparently having locked herself out of her apartment.

Arite let's get Cory's dream over with and move on with our lives. He pushes Shawn down the elevator again, but doesn't wake up this time. He follows it up by murdering Jack, Eric, Rachel and Angela. We're expecting Topanga or his parents next, but OH MY GOD IT'S

IT'S LAUREN

Lauren: "I'm not Lauren."

WELL CRAP.

Dream Lauren-Not-Lauren claims to represent everything Cory's giving up by marrying Topanga, all the girls he'll never get to date. Hey, alright, that's actually a real thing, worrying about what you might be giving up by committing to someone for the rest of your life. The journey here was pretty boring, but I like where we ended up. Anti-Not-Un-Lauren goes down the elevator shaft of her own will, and then Topanga shows up in a wedding dress. Cory tells her that he "killed them for us."

So yeah the dream is telling Cory that everything's going to change and he's going to be giving up a lot of his life when he gets married. After waking up, he explains this revelation to Shawn, who confirms that everything is going to change once he ties the knot, but Cory says, sullenly, that he doesn't want it to. Interesting, that's actually fairly compelling, but hardly worth the work we had to do to get here.

During the credits, Eric seems to have adapted well to Jon Stewart's craziness, right up until Jon Stewart wants to introduce Eric to his mother's skeleton.

Plot: 0.25 - I was gonna go zero until the part with Fake-Lauren.

Character Development: 1.0 - Cory suddenly realizing how drastic marriage is is pretty significant. I'm really glad this finally came up.

Humor: 0.5 - Eric was good, Cory was okay sometimes.

Life Lesson: 0 - If your dream gives you advice about dreams, it's probably bull shit.

1.75 out of 4.0. I didn't enjoy it. But maybe that's just because I've been doing this for three hours. Like, if I sat down with some lunch and spent 20 minutes watching this episode, I'm sure that would be fun. I think I've done that before, actually, when someone mentioned in the comments back in season 5 that we'd see Lauren again. So maybe it's just that I had to draw it out for three hours that really made it suck. I'm gonna go watch Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills.

Not really though.

But Maybe.

Thanks for reading, see you Friday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x20 "The Truth About Honesty"

Our four heroes are all in the bathroom at the same time because friends love to shower and shave as a team. As usual, Angela seems completely superfluous. She has lines, which is better than usual, but she doesn't actually contribute anything. But hey, she signed a contract, might as well write her into the show. Cory is grossed out by Topanga having used his razor to shave her legs, and honestly I'm surprised Topanga even shaves her legs at all. Actually, back in "Cory's Alternative Friends" in season 1, Cory says "You're going to be one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs, aren't you," and she answers that she hasn't decided yet. I know you've all been on the edge of your seats since then, this plot thread taunting you with its dangling threadiness, so here you go. We finally have the answer. 

BOY MEETS WORLD REVIEWED. FIVE STARS. Critics are raving, "Yeah it's okay but I'd rather just watch the show."

Anyway Cory lies about being grossed out, but Angela tells Topanga the truth (they're all still in the bathroom), so Topanga decides to make a giant mountain out of the smallest molehill I've ever seen. Like those molehills in Banjo Kazooie? Smaller than that. Topgangrene declares that they have to be 100% completely honest with each other from now on. Cory thinks it's a good deal, but Shawn can see danger from a mile away. Well, from the other side of the bathroom. I don't know how far that is.

We've transitioned to the coffee shop side of The Union, and I'm seeing on the side of a mug that this place is called Brew Lagoon. I probably should have caught that a long time ago. Topaljs;dj comments that "My Petite Chou" is playing at the university theatre, and I swear they used that earlier the series. It's not a real movie, and it sounds so familiar, so it must have been on this show... 

Cory, inspired by his new honesty powers, declares that he doesn't want to see My Petite Chou. Or the Icecapades! Because he can't get in trouble for honesty now, and darn it, he doesn't like the Icecapades! Eric strolls in with, allegedly, Joshua in a baby carriage, but it's pretty obviously empty. Jack and Rachel show up next, exhibiting what I've decided to call "The Chubbie's Phenomenon", or Chubnomenon. The Chubnomenon is characterized by people independently showing up in quick succession. Apparently Jachel are having their "first dinner party". Everyone agrees to go, except Eric who doesn't want to deal with the emotional turmoil of being there.

Eric: "Will you be making tater tots?"

Rachel: "Oh I'll make tater tots."

Eric: "Well then I'll be there."

Eric takes "Joshua" outside and pulls a Shawn, that is, woos a woman with lies by pretending to be the baby's father when she takes interest. And it's about time too. Eric hasn't had a girl since Jennifer Love Fefferman in 5x17. Amy and Alan continue the Chubnomenon, and actually pretend to be Joshua's grandparents to help Eric. They're probably just sick of Eric crying over Rachel, and will say pretty much anything at this point to get him to move on.

It's time for the dinner party, and we join our heroes in the elevator up to Jachel's apartment. Topanga has styled her hair in a way that I can only describe as "crinkle fries", and Cory is... well, see for yourself.

See? He wants to eat it. Cuz it looks like french fries.

He plays the "you want me to be honest" card again, describing in vivid detail how much he hates the crinkle fries hair. Funny stuff. Angela doesn't have any lines. 

Inside the apartment, Rachel is inspired by Corpanga's honesty deal to play a version of Truth or Dare for people that are afraid of dares. I mean, for God's sake, what if they dared you to say a bad word?  Anyway it's called The Honesty Game, and you draw a name out of a hat and ask that person a question, which they have to answer truthfully. 

Everyone is laughing at Jack's erection, and he's embarrassed. (It makes sense with the picture, sorry mobile users)

That was just too perfect, I'm sorry. But seriously, pants are so frustrating, that shit happens all the time.

 The running gag of the night is that Jack is too passive and doesn't voice his opinions, which certainly wasn't the case when he was constantly calling Eric a moron in every episode prior to this one. It's still pretty funny though, Matthew Lawrence does a great job with it. Eric arrives at the party with the girl he met earlier, Dana. As Shawn eloquently points out with a posh accent, this should be interesting since Eric has told Dana nothing but lies. Refer back to the logo to see Eric's opinion of Toplorable's hair. 

Eric: "Ahh, honesty, excellent, excellent, that's what they teach us at law school."

Crinkle Fries draws Shawn's name from the hat, and asks him who he wants to spend a no-strings-attached night with, out of everyone on earth. That is a seriously saucy question for Topanga, like, I would expect Cory or pretty much anyone else to ask that before Topanga. Regardless, he says Angela because the writers aren't quite finished boring us to death with that. At least she has an interesting response.

Shawn: "Whaddya say to that?"

Angela: "Let's do it."

Topanga and Cory have some... interesting faces there.

Angela makes it clear that this has to be no-strings, no commitment, no emotional attachment, and then they head into... someone's bedroom. Now see that's the most interesting thing Angela's ever done. But I guess that's not saying much. Rachel asks Cory what he would change about Topanga if he could change any one thing, literally the third time this question has been asked tonight, demonstrating just HOW MUCH FUN this game can be. Props to Topanga for asking something else.

Everyone including Topanga expects Cory to make some comment about sex, but he actually says he doesn't want Topanga to need to be perfect all the time. This is confusing, since a few episodes ago he demanded that she act like the old Topanga, who, in addition to being "weird", needed to be perfect at everything. Regardless, she doesn't agree that she always needs to be perfect, and proves it with the harshest thing she's ever said.

Topanga: "Then why didn't I go to Yale, Cory? Why am I here at Pennbrook with you?"

Rachel is either as shocked as I am, or she, like Cory, wants to eat Topanga's crinkle fries. She did make tater tots, but it's just not the same.

Even though Topanga blatantly crossed the line, she decides that she is the victim and leaves the party, with Cory chasing after her. Rachel blames herself since she started The Honesty Game, but Jack explains that the party would have been bad no matter what. That's a touching sentiment, and Rachel appreciates it because she's not Topanga.

We take a trip over to the love shack, which is actually Rachel's room. Huh. My money was on Eric's old room. Poor Rachel. Shawn and Angela are going at it pretty hard while some cruiseliner saxophone music is playing in the background. Shawn's having trouble following the statute of "no emotional attachment", which is slightly backward from how things ended between them with Shawn unable to make a commitment, but I'm sure this will develop more as we go on. 

Well I'm... pretty sure it's Rachel's room, but... I guess you never know...

OKAY HERE WE GO NOW, Cory and Topanga are in the elevator to leave and they deal with the whole Yale shit pretty quick, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT HERE. Topanga comments, as they embrace, that she just wants to be able to use his razor, that she doesn't want a relationship that's just two individuals living under the same roof. Cory is still grossed out by the idea, even more by the idea of her using his toothbrush.  Oh, crap, we have to go back to the love shack real quick, but remember this, I love where this goes.

Shawn decides that it's a good time to confess his love to Angela, who really doesn't want to hear it, and then pushes him off the bed. 

Shawn: "I Cory'd this up, didn't I..."

Shawn realizes that he's starting to adopt some of the relationship values that Cory and Topanga have, and he's not exactly happy about it.

OKAY HERE IT IS, back in the elevator, Topanga's exploding about how ridiculous it is that Cory won't share his toothbrush if they're going to spend the rest of their lives together. Cory asks her if she can handle real honesty, and that is exactly what he brings to the table. "The truth is, I could never share any of my personal items with someone who won't even show me her tushie!"

Cory: "No tushie? No brushie!"

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OHHHHOHOHHHH SHIT SON.

What really seals the deal is that Crinkle Fries almost immediately agrees that that's fair. She's been demanding total emotional connection while holding back the physical connection, and because she's a rational human being she is able to admit that that was a bit one sided. Awesome. That is the kind of relationship development you want to see. A+. 

Corpanga re enter the party, with Cory declaring that he has "seen the promised land", and I mean, as far as I'm concerned, boobs are the promised land, but Cory is allowed to have his opinion. Angela and Shawn leave the party for some reason now. Sure the moment was ruined in the bedroom, but they might as well eat, I dunno. 

Cory: "If you'll notice, only the honest couples are still here."

Eric, to Dana: "Yeah the bullet hurt."

Eric goes on to claim that he is also Batman. As we all know, Will Friedle was the voice of the new Batman in Batman Beyond, which was an awesome cartoon, and it started airing a few months before this episode aired, so yeah, nice work, writers. Eric has been hilarious.

During the credits, Cory uses Topanga's deodorant in The Bathroom, which she thinks is gross, so I can't actually tell if we made any progress at all. Shawn follows Angela into the bathroom, another instance of the Chubnomenon, but he claims that he's not following her and doesn't care about her at all. She gives him a big smooch, but he stands his ground. Angela leaves the bathroom, raising the question of why she came in here to begin with, and as soon as she's gone Shawn hops over for a cold shower. The Hunter Boys' erections are out of control in this episode. 

Eric never got his tater tots :(

Plot: 1.0 - I don't have any real problems with this. I don't know anyone who hosts dinner parties at 19, but it was a fine excuse to have an ensemble episode. We haven't had a good one of these in a long time.

Character Development: 1.0 - Shawn's feelings for Angela re-emerge, Jack and Rachel actually seem like a genuine, functioning couple, and Cory and Topanga make some progress in their relationship as well. Great stuff, although Eric is still stuck in his lie-tacular situation. He doesn't seem to mind though.

Humor: 1.0 - Everybody was great. No complaints.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Physical intimacy matters. And keeping it no-strings-attached might be harder than you think.

4.0 out of 4.0. Going into it, I didn't expect to give it a full score, but I really have nothing bad to say about it, and a lot of good things. Some real relationship developments happened here, and it was a lot of fun getting there. Anything negative in the writeup was just for comedic effect. I hope by now it's clear when I'm being negative for humor and when I'm being negative to be critical.

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x19 "Bee True"

This might be my favorite logo ever.

Eric is intent on progressing the relationship between Dean Bolander and Mister Feeny, which at present is nothing more than professional, and perhaps friendly. We learned in My Baby Valentine that Feeny had the hots for the Dean, and we've seen the two interact several times in the past. By the Light, they've actually laid (lain? fuck "lay" and all of its conjugations, that shit is TOO confusing) the groundwork for this pairing. It's so simple, and it makes such a difference. The point is, Eric is working to motivate Mister Feeny, while Topanga and Angela put the moves on Bolander. As the three women enter The Union, the Dean explains that she's fond of Feeny, but he needs to "pick up the pace."

I was hoping for Topanga to drop in about "destructive gender biased thinking" (re: Turnaround in Season 2), but she doesn't, and so it falls on Mister Feeny to make the first move. Fortunately, Eric is doing a commendable job of coaching his mentor.

Just as the Feenster is about to spill his heart to the Dean, some chump in a multi-pocketed vest named Lester barges into The Union and the Dean rushes over to hug him. "Lester" is probably the most old-man-ish name I can think of. Well that sure throws a wrench into things.

Lester tries to woo Bolander, clearly an old flame, but she introduces him to Feeny, perhaps oblivious to Lester's advances. Also, his name isn't actually Lester. It's Curtis. I checked, and she has called him Curtis the whole time. I am apparently an idiot. Anyway, Curtis is in town to give some presentation about his top secret archaeological find in Africa. He is also, as we now learn, Bolander's ex husband. I think this picture alone would have been a sufficient replacement for everything I just wrote.

Oh wow, he even says right here in front of everybody that he intends to win her back. What a bozo.

This next scene... is special. I want to do it justice. Every line deserves a gif or a quote or a mention. Shawn and Cory are working a table for a bake sale, and Eric has come to them to ask for a favor, in the style of that daughter's-wedding-favor stuff from The Godfather, and they're all doing the  Italian mobster accents. Eric needs them to run a "scheme" on Feeny and Bolander, the type of scheme they used to run all the time in high school. It may very well be the best scene this season. As you can see from the background and the logo, I'm quite pleased with this. Further, Cory reminds Eric (and the viewer) that he's on probation after he punched Stuart earlier this season, so it's riskier than usual to pull any hijinx.

Shawn: "We're legitimate now."
Cory: "We're in the bake sale business."

ERIC AND FEENY.
SHAWN AND CORY.
A SCHEME.
HILARITY.
CONTINUITY.

IT'S EVERYTHING. IT'S PERFECT.
And the best part is that, in my ignorance, I've only seen this episode a couple times. I don't remember anything except how it ends, it's like seeing it for the first time. I'm so excited.

Anyway, by the end of the scene, Shawn and Cory look like they've decided to go for one last caper. And the audience cheers at the end of that scene, one of the, like, three times in the series that I approve of that.

Meanwhile, Jack and Rachel arrrrrrrre making out. That's pretty much all we've seen of them since Chet died. But hey, it's fine with me since it frees up Eric to do interesting shit. Which is exactly what he's been up to the last few episodes. Oh, wow, Rachel's first line is "Have you noticed that this is all we do?" See I could totally write this show. So the tall one explains that she wants to go on dates and stuff, and decides for both of them that they're going to go dancing the next night. She asks if Jack knows how to dance, so I guess she's never heard the story of Last Tango In Philly. Jack doesn't seem too happy about going out though, which is supposed to make us interested in this plot thread. It does not succeed.

In what must be Mister Feeny's... archaeology class... containing the four youngsters as well as Eric, that Curtis guy is giving an Indiana Jones type story of his own adventures, to the raucous applause of the students. His arrogance finally tips our heroes over the edge. It's go time, you sack of bitches.

Cory: "But let's not get caught like all the other times, okay?"
Shawn: "Okay!"

The next scene is... interesting. Shawn and Cory sneak into the science lab where all of Curtis's archaeological findings are being kept, intent on making a big mess. It devolves into breaking stuff, in particular while trying to open a jar containing a preserved human brain. It's sort of frustrating to watch, because they're just wantonly breaking priceless artifacts, like some kind of Urkel or Kenan & Kel type thing, but it's still funny. I rather enjoy how Shawn somehow knows the names and details of various artifacts, like "Hand me that ancient Phoenician mallet." So yeah, it's fun because it's Shawn and Cory, but breaking stuff has never been my cup of tea.

Now we're in Feeny's... quantum mechanics class... which must be a meta joke at this point, but the audience doesn't laugh, so I dunno. There's no way he's qualified to teach this class, especially since he misspelled BOSON on the chalkboard as "bozon". More like BOZO, AM I RIGHTTTTTTTTT?? THAT'S HUMOR, FOLKS.

THAT IS HUMOR.

More specifically the board says "Higgs Bozon", and as we all know the Higgs was fairly recently confirmed to exist, over at CERN.

 Eric isn't actually enrolled in this class, but he's here anyway just to annoy Feeny about the Dean, which is accomplished fairly quickly. Feeny dismisses the class, probably because he realized that he's not a physicist, and explains to Eric that he thinks it's proper to allow the Dean to sort things out with her ex husband before he makes a move. Eric disagrees, citing his loss of Rachel to Jack as evidence of the need to act, rather than wait. He never really had a chance with Rachel, but I mean, his advice is still solid.

Aaaaaaand we're breakin' stuff again. Cory accidentally drops the brain's jar onto a jar containing some sort of bee, which is let loose to wreak its stingy havoc as a result. The boys open a window to intentionally set off an alarm, calling in the only man capable of hearing it in this universe, Mister Feeny. But that was their plan, so it's a fun piece of self-aware humor. Time to initiate phase 2 of the great comeback scheme: blame everything on Mister Feeny.

Shawn: "We didn't break this stuff."
Feeny: "Well who did?!"
Cory: "You did!"
Shawn: "And we're telling!"

The Jack/Rachel sidestory is so unimportant stacked up against the Shawn and Cory adventure going on, but the abridged version of this next scene is that Jack feels like a shrimpy pity-case going out in public with Rachel. As such, he's wearing "Manly Step-Ups" for added height as they're about to leave The Apartment. Interesting to note is the fact that the Hunter men are only capable of wearing black leather jackets on dates. She convinces her shorter boyfriend to stop worrying about it, and whaddya know, the problem is resolved and they head out.

The scheme has reached critical mass. Dean Bolander arrives back in the science lab with Cory and Shawn, as well as Topanga, Angela, and Eric.

Everyone is supporting the "Feeny did it" story, and it goes like you can imagine, like it was a crime of passion, or whatever, and the Dean seems to think that justifies it. Curtis shows up, and doesn't give a shit about anything in the room, including the Dean herself, except for that bee. For weird and unimportant reasons, the bee is going to save thousands of lives, but Feeny kills it as it's about to sting the Dean. (Angela actually has a line in this scene, but of course it's about Shawn.) So yeah, Curtis is still a jerk, and Feeny gets the girl. Everyone's happy.

Except Shawn and Cory, who have to wash windows as punishment.

During the credits is some crap with Jack and Rachel, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT AND I ALREADY FORGOT IT.

This episode is absolutely wonderful. I had so much fun, start to finish. I'm not even gonna bother breaking it down, it's a 4.0, no question. Destroying valuable artifacts for the sake of romance isn't a great life lesson, but whatever, it's not about the points, it's about the spirit of the points. Or something. Best episode of the season. I know you guys get the point after six seasons, but SHAWN AND CORY. ERIC AND FEENY. Respectfully, there are people who enjoy Cory/Topanga the most in this series, and I would never say that they're wrong, but what Corpanga story this season can even come close to being this entertaining? I'm honestly asking.

This is one of those episodes that's perfect for people who've never seen the show before. I'm really happy right now, it feels like the show is alive again. As far as I'm concerned, this should have been the episode named "resurrection".

But you don't have to take my word for it. Watch this one. Absolutely watch this one.

Thanks a lot for reading, see you next week to close out this season.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x18 "Can I Help To Cheer You?"

In The Union, Cory and Topanga are arguing about wedding stuff, but it's lighthearted and fun, making us feel right back at home after the previous episode. Over in the coffee shop half, Eric and Tommy are having some treats. But things get heavy real quick, as Tommy asks his Big Brother if adoption is ever going to happen. I feel like Tommy was either misled, or never had the situation properly explained to him, but either way you gotta feel bad for him.

I said in the last review that Tommy isn't the worst child actor, but that was clearly not true. Or isn't true anymore. Every line is a test of your will and your patience. And I barely passed.

Cory, Topanga, and their respective best friends are, I don't know, sitting-in? on a wedding ceremony to see what sorts of things they want to include in their own wedding. If this sort of activity does actually exist, it seems reserved to a time before the internet, yet here we are. Topanga claims this sort of things happens all the time, and that they just need to keep a low profile.

We meet two new fellows off to the side, the groom and the father of the bride, but they aren't getting along very well. The F of the B is named Stan, and disapproves of this man marrying his daughter because he's a kindergarten teacher and doesn't make much money. He wants this guy to join his plumbing company to have a higher salary and provide nice things for his daughter. Yeah I know, lots of exposition, and the worst thing is that most of it doesn't matter, which we'll see in a few minutes.

Stan and Cory take an immediate like to each other.

For the sake of creating a narrative, Stan asks Cory to marry his daughter, going so far as offering him a million dollars to do it. He claims that it's because Cory is nice and polite to him, and therefore deserves his daughter's and in marriage. It's completely insane. And if he's got a million dollars to throw at the first guy he meets, why does he care how much money the other guy makes as a teacher? (Also worth pointing out is Michael Jacobs's continued theme of the underpayment of teachers.) And Cory doesn't even have a job! He has zero income and is probably in debt, but somehow he's a better fit. I guess it's supposed to be nonsense? And we should derive some sort of humor from how nonsense it is? It really doesn't feel that way, but it's the only thing that makes sense.

At home, Eric's discussing the Tommy sitcheeashun with his parents, who both agree that it's impossible and irresponsible for Eric to adopt him. This point is driven home by Eric's inability to zip up his pants without catching his shirt.

Eric complains that everyone he knows has someone they want to dedicate their life to: Cory to Topanga, Jack and Rachel to each other, his parents to the new baby. He says Tommy needs him, but it's clear to the viewer that Eric needs Tommy just as much. So our boy with twenty rings on his fingers and a still-unzipped fly goes to call the adoption agency to.

Amy: "You're saying you're going along with this? The kid just pulled his shirt out of his fly."
Alan: "No one else could do that."

That's actually really funny. It's a shame they don't give more jokes to Amy, she's got great delivery and voice, but I guess there's only so much to go around. And it's usually serious stuff whenever she gets involved.

Anyway Eric returns from his phone call with the news that a family wants to adopt Tommy, so he heads down to the orphanage to see what's up. Eric has a cute little dialogue with his Little Brother, insisting that they can still be Big and Little brothers, but that won't work. This family lives in California. To quote Eric, "I don't want them to live in California." In the heat of the moment, Eric declares that he's going to adopt Tommy.

The orphanage matron or whatever there is Mrs. Gallagher, played by Nia Vardalos. Nia went on to take the lead in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but before Boy Meets World she voiced one of the main characters on "Team Knight Rider", a spinoff of Knight Rider. As we all know, our own Mister Feeny was the voice of KITT on Knight Rider, but it doesn't look like KITT was in the spinoff, likely a big reason why the spinoff failed so quickly.

Back at the wedding, Shawn thinks Cory should.... take the money. Cory doesn't want to, because he loves Topanga, so Shawn decides to cast his lot in with Stan.

Shawn: "You're a winner. And I'm a winner. And we winners need to stick together and marry each other's daughters. I'll go first!"

This wedding story is cripplingly boring, and not funny enough to beat out the boredom. You would think that Eric's story is the main story today, and usually the main story gets the majority of the screen time right? But I just time it, and it's almost an exact split with Cory and Eric both getting about 10 minutes of the episode.  We're bouncing between "oh my god my heart is breaking" and "I don't care about this, why are we at a wedding".

Back in Emotionville City, Eric's filling out the paperwork to adopt Tomothy. Mrs. Gallagher explains that the other family is pretty great, and successfully adopted a girl from the orphanage when they used to live here in Philly, expertly closing that plot hole of "why are they adopting here if they live in Cali".

Gallagher is doing a magnificent job as a character (in addition to being extremely well cast), guiding Eric through this incredibly difficult and painful decision, since she knows that Eric can't possibly go through with this. She's helping him as much as she helps Tommy. She knows as well as we do that Eric is still a child at heart, still so innocent, just like Tommy. And it's definitely deliberate, having Eric say things like "I don't want them to live in California," to show us that he's still got that kid in him. It's not nearly as well developed as Eric/Feeny, but it's still wonderful to watch because Tommy brings out the best in Eric, just like Feeny did. Full disclosure, this episode makes me ache for poor Eric, and brings him back into the spotlight to remind us why he's the most loved character in the show.

So Eric finally understands that he has to let Tommy go, and braces himself for the showdown.

Eric: "I'm not gonna adopt you."
Tommy: "I don't like you anymore."

I'm not gonna lie to ya, it's rough. This is one of those scenes that really messes me up every time I see it. And if it was anyone in the world other than Will Friedle... I don't think it could have worked half as well.

If you're on mobile, you are missing out right now. That's A+ television right there. Granted, a lot of its power comes from the fact that we've seen the whole series up to now and we love Eric, so it's hard to say how a casual viewer would feel here. Hopefully it wouldn't be lost on them.

Maybe it's supposed to act as a cushion after that last bit, but we have to go back to the stupid wedding now.

There isn't even anything to review, really. The procession starts and Shawn makes me laugh, which is cool, I guess.

The bride is pretty, which is supposed to make us think that Cory's actually having a difficult time with this decision. And look at Angela, tryin not to laugh.

Cory begins to imagine himself being fed grapes by the bride on some beach, and thus instinctively raises his hand when the minister asks for objections to the marriage. He can't control himself at this point, and he ends up doing the most bull shit thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean this is some Full House shit right now. Cory gets up and makes a fucking speech to a crowd of people he doesn't know about how important love is and THEREFORE HE'S NOT GOING TO STEAL THE BRIDE. He doesn't explicitly say that last part, but jeez, it's so insanely ridiculous.

Cory: "I don't know any of you... But um... I guess I should say something very important now."

Wasn't the one rule to keep a low profile? But here's Cory god damn Matthews, making a speech about how important love is in front of a bunch of strangers on some random folks' wedding day. Un. Believable. UNBELIEVABLE. Who could have POSSIBLY written this! It's laughable, which might be fine if it were tongue-in-cheek, but it's not, because the audience isn't laughing. This is disgraceful after such an amazing scene with Eric. And then they all trot out of the wedding hall on their self righteous high horses as if Cory's opinion is actually worth a god damn thing to these people.

IT'S NOT.

At home, Amy and Alan try to console their poor son. Alan has a line that sounds like "Kids are a zillion", which doesn't make any sense at all, I honestly cannot figure out what he's supposed to be saying. Tommy shows up at the door for a goodbye hug from Eric, which is sweet, but I'm still sour over that absurd speech at the wedding.

During the credits, Shawn has taken over the beachside fantasy, but for some reason he's wearing blue jeans and his shoes. Someone didn't think this through.

Let's separate this episode into halves. The Cory wedding half gets a 0 for plot, 0 for character development, 0.5 for humor, and 0 for life lesson. The Eric half, on the other hand...

Plot: 1.0 - Tears your heart apart. Why are we tearing all the characters apart? Shawn, Eric, The Matthews family had some trouble with Joshua, what the heck is going on here? For Eric, at least, it hit all the right notes. I would have liked it better if Tommy hadn't shown up at the end, but I can't blame them for going for the happier ending.

Character Development: 1.0 - Eric wrestles with his inner child and comes out on top. With the help of Mrs. Gallagher, of course.

Humor: 0.5 - Obviously they couldn't make it too funny, with the nature of the story, but that's okay.

Life Lesson: 1.0 - Sometimes you have to make those hard decisions for the greater good.

Either 0.5 or 3.5 out of 4.0. Seriously what the fuck was that speech at the wedding, I can't let it go. It's just so out of place and unbelievable.

Thanks for reading, see you Friday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x17 "Resurrection"

Hey kids, time to gather 'round the campfire. Take a seat, get comfortable, and plop your marshmallows onto the ends of your sticks for roasting. Fill your lungs with a refreshing breath of that mountain air, and take a quick glance at the stars, unhindered by the city lights we're so used to. Are you nice and settled? Lovely. Now pay attention and listen up while ol' Grandpa KBM tells you a story. Once upon a time, fuck this episode.

You can't center an episode around whether or not a newborn is going to die. By default there are only two paths we can take. Either he lives and the whole episode is just one big emotion-bait, or he dies and what the fuck you just killed a baby and now the parents are going to spiral into depression. Looking at our options, it's about 99.9% chance the baby lives, so any suspense in the plot is automatically wasted. It's not like Chet, who we already had an attachment to, and actually could have gone either way. Added to the fact that we've all seen this already and know how it ends... like... what am I holding on to here? Is the life lesson the power of medicine? Yeah science and medicine kick ass, but that's not why I'm watching this show.

Let's get this over with. Right away the redhead doctor who used to be a journalist informs the parents that they're getting a new doctor, a specialist with newborns, and even he isn't sure if their baby is going to live. But we're sure, so *snore*.

Out in the waiting room, Cory is once again making this all about himself. It's difficult to even explain what he's talking about because it doesn't make any sense. He wants Topanga to be there for him, which she is, but it.. doesn't count..? because she's not acting like she used to when they were kids..?

Topanga: "I don't like it when you use "us" to hide from the rest of life, Cory."
Cory: "I don't like it that you're not Topanga anymore."

That was an expert deduction by Topanga, I'm glad SOMEONE understands what he's doing. But of course he responded with insanity that makes you want to punch him in the face. It immediately fades out of that scene, over to Eric hanging out with Tommy at The Apartment. This is one of those remote cases of continuity, as we first met Tommy all the way back in the Christmas episode, number 11. The writers have shown us a certain amount of respect by not blatantly reminding us who Tommy is, and I appreciate that.

Ever since Jack and Rachel "got together", Eric's been acting less like himself, which Tommy picks up on as the two of them pack Eric's suitcase.

That's actually kind of adorable. As child actors go, Tommy's certainly not the worst.

Jachel come home, pleading with Eric not to move out. Okay so that's what the suitcase is for. All one of the suitcases. The topic of conversation shifts over to the baby dying, and Tommy decides he wants to go visit Eric's new brother in the hospital. The audience thinks it's cute, but it seems obnoxious to me.

Topanga comes home to her dorm and holy shit it's Angela. All we've had to say about her the last few episodes is that she wasn't there. Topanga explains what happened with her dumb boyfriend, and Angela comments that Topanga is handling the baby situation "very maturely", but clarifies that that's not a compliment. Oh god this can't be happening. Angela's insane too.

Topanga begins to reminisce about her time as "the weird kid" in season 1, and tells Angela the story of helping Cory with "a poem for school" when she danced around his kitchen and  put lipstick on her face. She's referring to 1x04, "Cory's Alternative Friends", and is giving a false account of what happened. It's nitpicky, but they might as well have just said what actually happened.

Angela tries to convince Topanga to indulge in Cory's lunacy. "Dance around him. Help him through what's going on." I get the sentiment here, like do whatever you have to to comfort him while his little brother is dying, I get that. But Topanga had the right of it when she told him not to hide from the rest of his life. He needs comfort, that's fine, but he still needs to face the situation.

Maybe Feeny will help. Cory finds the old man having coffee at The Union and explains his frustration with Topanga.

Feeny: "She's growing up, Cory! So are you!"
Cory: "But why does she have to grow now?"

I'M LEAVIN YA CORY. THAT'S IT. TIME TO REVIEW FRESH PRINCE.

I mean come on. MAYBE we could have a real conversation about this if he wasn't completely bullshitting right now. Topanga grew up at the beginning of season 2! She stopped being weird when she started seventh grade. You are in college now, Cory. Have you paid literally no attention to your girlfriend for the last five years?!

Instead of responding to that question, Feeny offers to take Cory to see his baby brother.

We're in the ICU now with Amy, Alan, and some other concerned parents. Amy has decided to name her new son "Joshua Gabriel Matthews". Biblical-Figure Archangel Matthews. See the problem with that name is that it's not cheesy enough. Was "God Christ Matthews" already taken? I just gave a moment to thinking about naming, and it occurs to me that if, on Girl Meets World, Auggie's middle name isn't "Shawn", then the entire show is a waste of time. I feel like that would have come up in the Christmas episode, so it's almost certainly not the case, and that's pretty disappointing.

So Mista and Misses are hanging out with their baby, and Alan tells God to "come on", whatever that means. Eric and Tommy watch from a window and then head home. We see that Topanga still hasn't strayed from her path, as she and Cory have another completely insane fight.

Topanga: "We can't have that relationship anymore."
Cory: "Why?!"
Topanga: "I'm not like that anymore."
Cory: "Why not?!"

Are you seeing this shit? Is Cory ten years old right now? He never cared a moment in the last five years that Topanga wasn't "weird" anymore, but now that he needs something from her, he thinks she's a villain!

Just then, Shawn arrives at the hospital, back from his road trip that lasted, what, a week? Cory's first reaction is to say "Shawny", which he neglected to ever say in the Christmas episode of Girl Meets World, something that a large number of fans have taken issue with. Shawn says all the hopeful things Cory needs to hear, that everything's going to be okay, all the fun they're going to have with Joshua in the future... And this all turns Cory's attitude right around. And that's fine. It's heartwarming to see Shawn bring Cory back to life. I don't have a problem with Cory wanting some hope to hold on to. It's just bull shit the way he's taking out his anger on Topanga, who has done absolutely nothing wrong.

The doctor suggests that Cory go in and talk to Joshua, and Shawn and Topanga tag along.

Doctor, to Shawn: "Oh I'm sorry, family only."
Alan: "Um, he is family."

That's really sweet, but I can't ignore the fact that she didn't try to stop Topanga. And how does she even know he's not family? What a jerk.

So the trio are in the ICU with Joshy Josh now, and it's pretty uncomfortable to watch. The slow, evocative music is playing while they talk to Josh. It's the definition of emotion-bait, and all I can do is roll my eyes. Let's make a note, though, of what Shawn says in his ridiculous monologue directed at this day old infant. "Don't go out of town. Don't go anywhere. Life is right here with these people, with your family. And my family. We got the greatest family there is, Josh." IS THAT RIGHT, SHAWN. IS THAT A FACT. BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT SHIT WHEN RILEY IS BORN A FEW YEARS FROM NOW. Spoilers, if you haven't watched that Christmas GMW, Shawn left town when Riley was born because, and here's the kicker, he didn't have a family. This is the worst.

That right there is the smug face of a man who never takes his own advice.

At The Apartment, Tommy and Eric goof around some more, and then Eric takes the last of his things out the door for good. It fades back to the hospital where the showrunners did their damnedest to make us think that Joshua had passed away, but he is in fact ready to go home with his family. And then the audience fucking applauds and cheers as Amy and Alan walk off camera. Are you serious with this?

The parents proceed out to the waiting room where everyone else is, well, waiting. Shawn makes some comments, and Angela's right next to him, but she's had zero lines since that one scene in the dorm with Topanga.

Topanga draws on her face with lipstick to remind Cory of who she used to be, and Shawn's response is the same as it was in 1x04, which you might not know if you weren't me.

Shawn: "Use a mirror babe."

You can see Cory's head peeking into the shot at the end of that gif, and he's got the lipstick heart on  his face too, but that hasn't happened yet, as you can see in the first part of the gif. So that shot of Topanga's smiling face is... not where it's supposed to be.

So yeah, Topanga draws on Cory's face too, and they agree to be each other's Valentine, even though that was several days ago. The very last shot of the episode shows us the ICU again, and how all the other parents are still there.

Credit where credit is due, that may be the best artistic choice of the whole series, showing us that last shot of the ICU. They could have left us feeling good and optimistic, but Jacobs said "No, make it real." It's powerful.

(The credits are just the logo and music.)

Plot: 0.25 - It's dumb! We're already almost certain that Joshua isn't going to die from the beginning, and at the end there's no real exposition about it. He just... got better. My opinion on this probably doesn't sit well with some of you, and I'm sorry, but this one just doesn't do anything for me. Especially with Cory being an asshole the entire time.

Character Development: 0.75 - For Eric moving out, and Topanga bringing back some weirdness. I do like the idea of Topanga bringing back some weirdness (which I don't think comes up again after this episode), I just hate that Cory demanded it from her after five years just so she could make him feel better.

Humor: 0.25 - Almost none.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Hope is important, but if a newborn is teetering on the edge between life and death, you really ought to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

1.75 out of 4.0. And that's the end of Grandpa KBM's story. I don't like this episode and I never watch it. I don't think Topanga's weirdness comes up again after this episode, and everyone seemed to validate Cory's assholeness the entire time. I just don't enjoy anything that happened, except for that very last shot of the ICU.

Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.

All images used under Fair Use.

Episode 6x16 "My Baby Valentine"

Well.... At least it's Friday...

Cory's having a phone conversation with his best buddy because Snapchat wasn't invented yet. God, can you imagine Cory on Snapchat? What a nightmare. Anyway Cory's talking about his Valentine's Day plans, including the fact that he's got his "red turtleneck for the romantic carriage ride". Why not just wear the rainbow suspenders and a bowtie too? I guess he's not getting laid no matter what, so it hardly matters.

Shawn's at some truck stop on the road, and he's afraid to wish Cory a happy Valentine's Day since this crowd of cowboys is behind him. Now that's confusing to me. It sounds like we're supposed to think these are some tough customers who won't take kindly to any of that man love, but even in the 90's I would have thought cowboy outfits were sort of a "gay" thing. Either way, they're cool with it, and the audience laughs, reaffirming the idea that we should have assumed they weren't. Weird.

Cowboy: "Ain't nuttin wrong wishin another man happy Valentine's Day, ain't that right boys?"

Good for you, progressive cowboys.

As the phone call ends, Topanga arrives in Cory's living room. They dredge up the past concerning last year's catastrophe of a V-Day, I'm not sure why, maybe they're just reminding the audience what happened. Apparently Topers had to pick up Morgan from school since Amy forgot, again. Morgan's having some "left out" issues with the new baby on the way, which is just about the most cliche pregnancy storyline you could ever write. Because of said issues, Topanga invites Morgan to... spend Valentine's with her and Cory... What...? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! Seriously, Cory getting cockblocked at every opportunity isn't funny after the 20th time.

The parents and Eric come home and it's... pregnancy-palooza. Amy is difficult to deal with, lots of lazy jokes from pretty much everybody, and finally Topanga decides to throw a "Valentine's Day Baby Shower" for Mrs. Matthews. I can't really explain why, except that it advances the plot.

Topanga: "It'll just be us girls."
Cory: "That's discriminatory, and I won't stand for it."

I don't really remember this episode, so I'm going in blind here, but I'll be thoroughly surprised if it doesn't involve the words "my water just broke" at some point.

Topanga insists that this baby shower won't interfere with her and Cory's plans, but he's not satisfied with just words, and I can't blame him at all. This is some bull crap Topanga's pulling right now. So Cory decides to take command of the baby shower, but of course, he doesn't actually know anything about baby showers.

Well at least some people are getting intimate this Valentine's Day. Jack and Rachel are going pretty hard in the same spot they made out both times in the past: the couch. They agree that they should tell Eric about this blooming romance, and then start kissing again. A well-crafted scene, all things considered. Haven't seen teenagers acting like teenagers since, like, season 4. I'm assuming they're 19, but maybe they're 20, whatever. You know what I mean.

It's baby shower time, and "the joke" is that Cory is doing literally everything wrong. And that horse is dead and beaten very quickly. He even hired a male stripper for the party, who shows up doing the pizza delivery man routine. And let's remember that Morgan is at this party, but oh, okay, Amy covers Morgan's eyes as soon as the stripping starts. So yeah he starts his routine, and manages to get his shirt off before Amy sends him packing. The funniest things about this are actually really subtle, and you'd almost certainly miss them if you weren't trying to write a blog about it. I only noticed because I paused at the right time. So yeah, two things, the first is Angela's reaction to the guy taking his shirt off...

And the second is Morgan's reaction.

Amy was using her hand to cover Morgan's eyes, so Morgan lifts her mom's hand to peek at this guy. That is easily the funniest Morgan moment in the series, and honestly it was probably improvised. Very funny, very easy to miss.

Amy declares the party over after she gets rid of the stripper, and sullenly walks offcamera. Topanga is angry with Cory and so she cancels their plans for the evening, and storms off upstairs! Honestly, what did she expect here! Both Amy and Topanga know perfectly well that Cory is a moron most of the time, and now they're upset that he did moron stuff.

The men have organized a poker game at The Apartment to take place during the baby shower, so that's where we are now. Jack's just about to break the Rachel-news to Eric when Feeny and Alan barge in. The sweater-vested old man has a real spring in his step today, and goes so far as to hug Eric and tell him he loves him "like a son". That's pretty fuckin significant to just idly slip in here! Well I'm glad it got said, especially since he's so resistant to tell the other heroes he loves them at the end of the series. But today Feeny's clearly got a different kind of love on his mind, directed at Dean Bolander.

Eric: "Ey Feeny, you got that love thang?"

Cory shows up now too, and the joke is once again that he messed everything up at the baby shower.

Meanwhile, Amy opens the gifts she received for the shower. It comes up again that Morgan's sad about not being "the youngest" or whatever anymore, so Amy promises to spend as much time as possible with her until the baby comes, which is practically a guarantee that that baby is about to drop. Sure enough, she gets some sort of rumble in her stomach and we cut over to The Apartment, where they receive a call from Topanga informing them that Amy's water broke. Six weeks early, as a matter of fact.

This does not interest me. Am I alone here? I'm genuinely interested to know. There have been zero times in my life where I was interested in a pregnancy on television. I just cannot get invested at all. The "six weeks early" thing is their attempt at separating it from normal tv pregnancies, but it's still not enough to pull me in.

At the hospital, Topanga's taken care of pretty much everything and guides Alan right where he needs to go. It's... nice. Topanga has taken charge and directed her attention to what really matters here, instead of stewing over what happened earlier. These moments of level-headedness are always the times that I like Topanga the most. And Cory feels the same way, as he realizes that this stuff takes precedence over his earlier plans. It's a great little scene for sure, thumbs up.

So Cory and Topanga have managed to set aside their own shit for this important event, but Jack and Rachel are still pretty focused on themselves.

Rachel: "Maybe it would be better if I told him."

Jack: "Yeah that... That's good, that would be easier on me."

She tries, but is unsuccessful once again. Doesn't matter though, as Eric reveals that he knows they're falling for each other. Poor Eric.

Alan makes his way into the delivery room, where things are already under way for Amy's C Section. The doctor performing the procedure is played by McNally Sagal, who played a hospital administrator on Sons of Anarchy, so I'm concluding that the two shows exist in the same universe. Even more, she was already on Boy Meets World! She played that newscaster at the end of Danger Boy when Feeny and Cory got on the roller coaster. So her character has apparently spent the last four seasons at medical school. Good for her.

Morgan has been awesome this episode, it might be her best episode ever. Which is a shame, since I've only seen this one like twice in my life. And one of Angela's best episodes was Starry Night, which I never watch. It's a shame that some characters shine in episodes that I hardly ever watch because it leaves me thinking that they're just weak characters in general.

So the new baby boy gets born, but he's having trouble breathing and has to get rushed off to the ICU. Crazy times.

In the waiting room, Cory's stuck worrying about his own stupid problems again, which makes him look like a real bozo when Alan comes in with the bad news about the ICU. The baby isn't breathing on his own and has to be on a respirator. William Russ gives a pretty powerful performance here.

You can see Angela there on the side, she's had literally one line in this episode. Less than Rachel. So much for being Topanga's best friend. Without the Shawn drama they've got nothing to write for her! It's a little sad, honestly.

Alan makes his way to Amy's hospital room, as she's trying to decide between "Joshua" and "Daniel" for the baby's name. The veterans among us know that she eventually chooses Joshua, so it might have been a cool touch if, say, Auggie had been named Daniel instead. Either way, the episode fades to black as Alan is about to give her the bad news. It's just the music playing over the logo during the credits. They've done that a lot this season.

Plot: 0.25 - I mean... what really happened here? There was a baby shower that wasn't really much of a baby shower, and then Amy gave birth. Pretty straightforward.

Character Development: 1.0 - I always give this one away too easily, but Eric is handling the Jachel situation with surprising maturity, and Morgan was at least some sort of character trait.

Humor: 1.0 - Just because it's so rare for Morgan to make me laugh.

Life Lesson: 0.5 - Don't be a self centered piece of crap like Cory.

2.75 out of 4.0. I doubt I'll ever watch this episode just for fun. It's not very fun. Shawn is almost entirely absent and Eric's actions are all in response to the Jachel thing. If it weren't for Morgan peeking out at that stripper, I'd have said this whole episode was a wash. I was about to say that at least we don't have to watch Jack and Eric compete for Rachel anymore, and that's true, but there's still more drama to come from that as Eric tries to figure out what to do about it. Blah.

Thanks for reading, see you Monday.

All images used under Fair Use.