This marks the first time that the title sequence is carried over from the previous season. 5 to 6 used the same general thing, but 6 added shots of Rachel. This time nothing is different at all, which is a bit of a let down.
One last thing before we dive in. I'm just gonna directly paste a comment on my review of Bee True from a lovely Anonymous.
Hey man! Just wanted to share this with you. Micky Dolenz directed this episode, right? Rider Strong recently told an AWESOME story that happened behind the scenes when they were filming this episode. It involved Strong, Dolenz, and... Justin Timberlake. (Apparently the guys from N*SYNC were hanging out a lot on the set in the 6th/7th season because Danielle Fishel was dating Lance Bass)
You should listen to the story. It's worth it, it's only a couple of minutes. It starts in the 52:17 mark: http://www.literarydisco.com/2014/03/04/episode-50-qa/
It really is hilarious.
Shawn and Cory kick things off with a bit of meta humor about how they've got Feeny as their teacher for every course this year. Yeah don't drink that joke all in one gulp, cuz it's all we've got for another twenty minutes. The boys proceed into The Dorm, where they mope and complain about their love lives. Shawn seems pretty miserable and comments that the previous year was terrible. That's confusing, since in the finale of season 6, Shawn says to Eric, "I feel really good about my life right now." So there's your lesson folks, personal fulfillment and satisfaction are worth jack when the girl you like doesn't want to date you.
So we're already frustrated with the setup, and that's just Shawn, who's secondary here. Topanga shows up with the news that her parents officially filed for divorce that morning, and things are pretty awkward and tense.
Topanga: "I just don't want to get married anymore."
Cory: "Even though we love each other?"
Topanga: "So did my parents."
Those aren't suspenders, they're her backpack straps. Even though she took off her backpack when she came in.
The Chubnomenon's power reaches all the way out to The Dorm today, causing Angela to show up just in time. Shawn mentioned earlier that he asked Angela to be his girlfriend again somewhere between seasons, and she hasn't really given him an answer yet, so he's still sort of waiting on that. Topanga explains that she no longer thinks love exists, and then walks out without making any sense.
Angela: "Topanga... makes sense."
What?! This is fucking ridiculous. Not only has Topanga changed into a completely different person, she's taking poor Angela along for the ride. "If love exists then why do people hurt each other all the time?" Where do you even start to explain how fucking stupid that is? A few sentences from Topanga here have convinced Angela not to be with Shawn. For crying out loud, on the list of a thousand reasons not to date Shawn Hunter, this is the one she listens to? I'm already exhausted with this.
Now, okay, alright, in 7x04 we're going to learn that Angela's mother walked out on her family, which is supposed to justify Angela's quick boarding of the Topanga Crazy Train here in this episode. Something like "my mother walked out so I'll inevitably walk out on you". But then why has she never been afraid of being with Shawn before?! I'm asking questions that don't have answers, this plot is a disaster, so let's move on.
Cory and Shawn are going to be following the girls around forever, so they all end up at Brew Lagoon, where they find Jack and Rachel. Keeping with the theme, Jack and Rachel have broken up too, but it seems like they're still good friends. Jack, by the way, has turned into a bronze Adonis in between seasons, and Rachel's hair is a little longer, which I think is a nice improvement too. The boys follow the girls outside now, and they are quickly replaced by Eric, who has a huge announcement to share with everyone in The Union.
*Eric pulls off a wig, revealing much shorter hair."
I like this because, as Eric explains, it symbolizes his efforts to make changes in his life. There was that point in early season 5 where Eric magically had shorter hair without any comment from anyone, but we're probably not supposed to remember that. Either way, he sits down to talk with Rachel and Jack, and this whole scene is classic Eric, really funny stuff. It gives me the strength to go on.
Outside, Feeny finds the warring Corpanga, who quickly drag him into the argument. Feeny uses blatant common sense to explain to Topanga that she must only look at herself and Cory when making decisions about herself and Cory. Even this insane incarnation of Topanga isn't crazy enough to argue with Feeny, so she goes off to think about what he said. Don't get your hopes up though.
Eric: "Feeneh!"
Feeny: "........ Eric!"
Ahhh, at long last, the (I think) only instance of the "Eric Call" from Feeny. Awesome.
Eric explains his haircutting metamorphosis, as well as the fact that he's been sleeping in Feeny's car at night since he got kicked out of the apartment. Eric believes that he can move back in with Jack and Rachel now that they've broken up, and thus won't be sleeping in Feeny's car anymore. Again, classic Eric, very funny.
At home, we're seeing something pretty rare, a Morgan plot thread. I don't think we've seen one of these since Alexandra Nechita. Although, it's really a joint-venture between her and Alan. Anyway, she's got her very first date tonight, with a boy in the 8th grade. This is one of the most overdone sitcom stories ever, where dad's being overprotective of his little girl.
Alan: "What's wrong with the boys in the 5th grade?!"
Morgan: "I'm in the 7th grade, dad!"
Alan: "Don't lie to me."
Apparently Morgan is in the 7th grade now, which means it's time to investigate. Okay I couldn't come up with anything, but there's gotta be a moment somewhere in the first two seasons where Amy or Alan or Morgan mentions how old Morgan is or what grade she's in. I'm curious if she follows the same time skipping as Cory and Shawn, or if she ages linearly like Eric (who turns 16 in season 1 and graduates at the end of season 3). I'm assuming it's the latter. First grade in season 1 sounds about right.
Topanga and Angela arrive at The Dorm to give their verdicts on all this bull shit. Spoiler, their verdicts are bull shit too.
Topanga: "It's just too painful to think about you and I ending up like my parents. Our relationship has to be over."
This is fucking ridiculous! This is the same girl from Long Walk to Pittsburgh? From Starry Night? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSEEEEEEEEE.
So, what, is she just never gonna date again? It's completely incomprehensible. And Angela tells Shawn they can't be together either, obviously. Ugh. This is the second time Topanga has broken up with Cory. The second time. And they had a mutual breakup in season 3. IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON CORY. Anyone who can break your heart so flippantly is not worth hanging on to.
The boys try to console one another, and reason out that the girls are probably moving out of the dorm to get away from them. Indeed they are, as Eric and Jack find out at The Apartment, where Rachel has invited Topangela to move in.
Eric: "The Autobiography of Malcom Ten... Rachel must be taking arithmetic."
There was one-sentence exchange at Brew Lagoon in that early scene between Jack and Rachel that may have POSSIBLY implied a desire to maybe adjust their living arrangement, but Rachel absolutely took that way too far. Like how the fuck could a rational human being not check with Jack to make sure he was moving out? This makes me angry.
It cuts over to The House where it's finally time for Morgan's date. She's wearing something she calls a "tankini", a mix of a tanktop and bikini top, and even I think this one's a little too much for a 13 year old's first date. The boy arrives at the door and Amy brings him into the kitchen. He's got that 90's-as-fuck spiky gelled hair. We learn that it's the boy's first date, which makes everyone a little more comfortable, and Morgan manages to make it out of the house in her "tankini".
A group-effort-guilt-trip occurs at The Apartment, and Jack's a big pushover when Rachel's involved, so now he and Eric are stuck with nowhere to live. Eric is still hilarious though.
Cory sees his parents quickly resolve their fight about Morgan dating, and "realizes" that Topanga's parents can resolve their problems if they simply remember that they love each other. And who better to remind them than the Cory and Shawn Dream Team.
Shawn: "We could ruin Topanga's parents' lives, and ours."
Cory: "Yes I know. Are ya with me?!"
Shawn: "Yeah..."
During the credits, Jack and Eric are shown having dinner in the backseat of Feeny's car. It's worth a good chuckle.
Plot: 0 - Pbbbbthhhhhhh
Character Development: 0.25 - Alan accepting his daughter's growing up is worth some points, I guess.
Humor: 1.0 - Eric was great throughout, and Cory had a lot of funny moments too, even though I didn't really mention them.
Life Lesson: 0 - God dammit, Topanga.
1.25 out of 4.0. This is only the beginning. We've got another three or four episodes of this frustration. Hopefully Eric will be consistently funny. That's about all we have to look forward to right now.
Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.
All images used under Fair Use.
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