I was hoping for Topanga to drop in about "destructive gender biased thinking" (re: Turnaround in Season 2), but she doesn't, and so it falls on Mister Feeny to make the first move. Fortunately, Eric is doing a commendable job of coaching his mentor.
Just as the Feenster is about to spill his heart to the Dean, some chump in a multi-pocketed vest named Lester barges into The Union and the Dean rushes over to hug him. "Lester" is probably the most old-man-ish name I can think of. Well that sure throws a wrench into things.
Lester tries to woo Bolander, clearly an old flame, but she introduces him to Feeny, perhaps oblivious to Lester's advances. Also, his name isn't actually Lester. It's Curtis. I checked, and she has called him Curtis the whole time. I am apparently an idiot. Anyway, Curtis is in town to give some presentation about his top secret archaeological find in Africa. He is also, as we now learn, Bolander's ex husband. I think this picture alone would have been a sufficient replacement for everything I just wrote.
Oh wow, he even says right here in front of everybody that he intends to win her back. What a bozo.
This next scene... is special. I want to do it justice. Every line deserves a gif or a quote or a mention. Shawn and Cory are working a table for a bake sale, and Eric has come to them to ask for a favor, in the style of that daughter's-wedding-favor stuff from The Godfather, and they're all doing the Italian mobster accents. Eric needs them to run a "scheme" on Feeny and Bolander, the type of scheme they used to run all the time in high school. It may very well be the best scene this season. As you can see from the background and the logo, I'm quite pleased with this. Further, Cory reminds Eric (and the viewer) that he's on probation after he punched Stuart earlier this season, so it's riskier than usual to pull any hijinx.
Shawn: "We're legitimate now."
Cory: "We're in the bake sale business."
ERIC AND FEENY.
SHAWN AND CORY.
A SCHEME.
HILARITY.
CONTINUITY.
IT'S EVERYTHING. IT'S PERFECT.
And the best part is that, in my ignorance, I've only seen this episode a couple times. I don't remember anything except how it ends, it's like seeing it for the first time. I'm so excited.
Anyway, by the end of the scene, Shawn and Cory look like they've decided to go for one last caper. And the audience cheers at the end of that scene, one of the, like, three times in the series that I approve of that.
Meanwhile, Jack and Rachel arrrrrrrre making out. That's pretty much all we've seen of them since Chet died. But hey, it's fine with me since it frees up Eric to do interesting shit. Which is exactly what he's been up to the last few episodes. Oh, wow, Rachel's first line is "Have you noticed that this is all we do?" See I could totally write this show. So the tall one explains that she wants to go on dates and stuff, and decides for both of them that they're going to go dancing the next night. She asks if Jack knows how to dance, so I guess she's never heard the story of Last Tango In Philly. Jack doesn't seem too happy about going out though, which is supposed to make us interested in this plot thread. It does not succeed.
In what must be Mister Feeny's... archaeology class... containing the four youngsters as well as Eric, that Curtis guy is giving an Indiana Jones type story of his own adventures, to the raucous applause of the students. His arrogance finally tips our heroes over the edge. It's go time, you sack of bitches.
Cory: "But let's not get caught like all the other times, okay?"
Shawn: "Okay!"
The next scene is... interesting. Shawn and Cory sneak into the science lab where all of Curtis's archaeological findings are being kept, intent on making a big mess. It devolves into breaking stuff, in particular while trying to open a jar containing a preserved human brain. It's sort of frustrating to watch, because they're just wantonly breaking priceless artifacts, like some kind of Urkel or Kenan & Kel type thing, but it's still funny. I rather enjoy how Shawn somehow knows the names and details of various artifacts, like "Hand me that ancient Phoenician mallet." So yeah, it's fun because it's Shawn and Cory, but breaking stuff has never been my cup of tea.
Now we're in Feeny's... quantum mechanics class... which must be a meta joke at this point, but the audience doesn't laugh, so I dunno. There's no way he's qualified to teach this class, especially since he misspelled BOSON on the chalkboard as "bozon". More like BOZO, AM I RIGHTTTTTTTTT?? THAT'S HUMOR, FOLKS.
THAT IS HUMOR.
More specifically the board says "Higgs Bozon", and as we all know the Higgs was fairly recently confirmed to exist, over at CERN.
Eric isn't actually enrolled in this class, but he's here anyway just to annoy Feeny about the Dean, which is accomplished fairly quickly. Feeny dismisses the class, probably because he realized that he's not a physicist, and explains to Eric that he thinks it's proper to allow the Dean to sort things out with her ex husband before he makes a move. Eric disagrees, citing his loss of Rachel to Jack as evidence of the need to act, rather than wait. He never really had a chance with Rachel, but I mean, his advice is still solid.
Aaaaaaand we're breakin' stuff again. Cory accidentally drops the brain's jar onto a jar containing some sort of bee, which is let loose to wreak its stingy havoc as a result. The boys open a window to intentionally set off an alarm, calling in the only man capable of hearing it in this universe, Mister Feeny. But that was their plan, so it's a fun piece of self-aware humor. Time to initiate phase 2 of the great comeback scheme: blame everything on Mister Feeny.
Shawn: "We didn't break this stuff."
Feeny: "Well who did?!"
Cory: "You did!"
Shawn: "And we're telling!"
The Jack/Rachel sidestory is so unimportant stacked up against the Shawn and Cory adventure going on, but the abridged version of this next scene is that Jack feels like a shrimpy pity-case going out in public with Rachel. As such, he's wearing "Manly Step-Ups" for added height as they're about to leave The Apartment. Interesting to note is the fact that the Hunter men are only capable of wearing black leather jackets on dates. She convinces her shorter boyfriend to stop worrying about it, and whaddya know, the problem is resolved and they head out.
The scheme has reached critical mass. Dean Bolander arrives back in the science lab with Cory and Shawn, as well as Topanga, Angela, and Eric.
Everyone is supporting the "Feeny did it" story, and it goes like you can imagine, like it was a crime of passion, or whatever, and the Dean seems to think that justifies it. Curtis shows up, and doesn't give a shit about anything in the room, including the Dean herself, except for that bee. For weird and unimportant reasons, the bee is going to save thousands of lives, but Feeny kills it as it's about to sting the Dean. (Angela actually has a line in this scene, but of course it's about Shawn.) So yeah, Curtis is still a jerk, and Feeny gets the girl. Everyone's happy.
Except Shawn and Cory, who have to wash windows as punishment.
During the credits is some crap with Jack and Rachel, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT AND I ALREADY FORGOT IT.
This episode is absolutely wonderful. I had so much fun, start to finish. I'm not even gonna bother breaking it down, it's a 4.0, no question. Destroying valuable artifacts for the sake of romance isn't a great life lesson, but whatever, it's not about the points, it's about the spirit of the points. Or something. Best episode of the season. I know you guys get the point after six seasons, but SHAWN AND CORY. ERIC AND FEENY. Respectfully, there are people who enjoy Cory/Topanga the most in this series, and I would never say that they're wrong, but what Corpanga story this season can even come close to being this entertaining? I'm honestly asking.
This is one of those episodes that's perfect for people who've never seen the show before. I'm really happy right now, it feels like the show is alive again. As far as I'm concerned, this should have been the episode named "resurrection".
But you don't have to take my word for it. Watch this one. Absolutely watch this one.
Thanks a lot for reading, see you next week to close out this season.
All images used under Fair Use.
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