The three girls are eating or whatever in The Apartment that they bullshitly stole from Jack and Eric in the last two episodes. It's not really "The Apartment" without those two, so I'm not gonna call it that anymore.
Shawn is at the door to continue his pursuit of Angela, and she seems amused but also annoyed by all of this. And of course Cory is there to support his friend, and not, as he points out, to talk to Topanga. Angela shuts the door in Shawn's face, but answers another knock a few seconds later to find someone new.
Well not entirely new, the actor played the philosophy professor in 5x04. Apparently he's here to recruit students for Pennbrook's ROTC program. He shuts the door on the boys, so that's basically a family tradition at this point, then starts prying into his daughter's personal life. Rachel asks about Angela's mother, so now we know that her and Mr. Moore are "no longer together". Riveting stuff here folks, riveting stuff. Rosie the riveting stuff.
We're at some kinda rally for Mr. Moore's ROTC recruitment, and of course it's at The Union. Eric swears his revenge on nearby Topanga for beating him up in the previous episode.
Feeny: "Having personally served my country in the navy..."
Eric: "England doesn't have a navy, you liar."
Is this the impossibly dumb Eric you guys don't like? It still seems about normal to me, I think that's funny. I'm glad this discussion about season 7 Eric got started, it adds some actual substance to these awful episodes. More importantly, did you see Feeny's face there?
That's amazing.
All the new ROTC recruits give up pretty quickly, including Jack which doesn't seem right, but it advances the plot so there you go. The one exception is Shawn, who's working pretty hard to impress Master Sergeant Angela's Dad. More like... Waster Sergeant... Cuz he's wastin my time.
Please hold your applause.
Angela wanders in for some reason and scolds Shawn for trying to get to her through her father. She insists that she doesn't love Shawn, and this is where it gets weird. It is obvious right away that Waster Sergeant has decided to believe Shawn's claim that Angela loves him. For no reason in the world he believes this random guy that he just met, even though his own daughter insists the opposite. For all he knows, Shawn is a stalker, it's honestly what he sounds like, saying over and over again that Angela loves him.
While all this is happening, Eric's taken up residence in a nearby trashcan and occasionally waves a white flag of surrender. I'm inventing the Eric-O-Meter to deal with his alleged spiral into idiocy, and it's showing that Eric levels are currently "Normal", no problems yet.
Speaking of stalkers, Eric is now stalking Topanga in Brew Lagoon through various means, as he plots his revenge, and I don't have a problem with this either, I think it's funny. Shawn shows up looking smooth as hell in an army uniform. He claims that he's enlisting. Angela's first reaction is "Did you do this for me?" which is just disgustingly self centered, but apparently Shawn did do it for her, so I guess it's fair. She storms out, proving that she and Shawn really are meant for each other, and Shawn explains to Cory that he has nothing in his life so he might as well join the army. Once again we've completely ignored his road-trip-epiphany that he wants to spend his short time on earth with his friends.
Like... the writers totally shit on Shawn last season, and then at the end he finally said that he was happy with his life, and now he's moping again? I really feel robbed here. Let's just end the show after season 6 when Shawn's happy, Feeny gets married, Eric is about to travel to find himself (another cool thing the writers ignored), and Corpanga aren't gonna get married. It's a great ending, all things considered.
Eric starts telling the Waster Sergeant about his plan to sneak attack Topanga, but then yells out exactly when he plans to get her, defeating the point of a sneak attack.
Sergeant Moore: "You are a disgrace to this university, to this country, and humanity in general!"
Eric, laughing: "Wow!"
More like Faster Sergeant... Cuz I wish this episode would end faster.
That one wasn't as good.
He tells Eric to drop and give him twenty, so Eric drops and hands him a 20 dollar bill. Wrapping all of that up, my Eric-O-Meter is dipping into the red a little bit, that was pretty damn stupid. It's a funny line from the Faster Sergeant on the surface, but we all know that Eric isn't even close to a disgrace. We just have to look back at Santa's Little Helpers and the whole Tommy arc to see that Eric has done, by far, the most for humanity out of anyone on the show, except for Feeny. But we do see that side of Eric again later in the season, so it's not completely lost.
Faster Sergeant Moore asks Feeny what he thinks of Shawn, and it's moving to hear what he has to say. "I have seen Shawn overcome every obstacle that life has thrown at him., and grow up to be one of the finest young men that I know." That, of course, instantly brings to mind City Slackers, The Eskimo (two of my all-time favorite episodes), and all the stuff in between. Feeny continues to sing Shawn's praises. I really wasn't expecting to feel this many emotions in this episode. It's nice.
It's finally time for Eric's sneak attack. He's hiding in a giant American Gothic painting, ready to leap out when Topanga walks past.
This is registering way more on the "silly" side of the Eric-O-Meter than the "stupid" side, so there's an A+, I love that bit.
Later, at The... Tnemtrapa... the girls are doing nothing again, because none of them have ever had established hobbies and Rachel isn't actually that close to either of them. Shawn and the Faster Sergeant arrive for one last attempt at not minding their own business.
Get a load of this shit, Sergeant Moore tells Angela "I don't want him anywhere near the army. But I do want him near you." It's just so uncomfortable for me, this guy is trying to convince his daughter to date some guy he met yesterday. Yeah he's got a glowing recommendation from Feeny, but still. It's just weird.
Angela: "I don't want to be closer together."
Shawn: "Why not?"
Sergeant Moore: "Yeah. Why not?!"
Are you seeing this?! Who is this guy! It's absolutely outrageous. It is an outrage. You do not do this shit to your adult daughter (or son). I can't deal with this.
So we learn that Angela's mother walked out on her family, and now Angela's afraid of doing the same thing to Shawn. So indeed, Topanga has shared this "I = my parents" mentality with poor Angela. Thanks, Rachel, for doing absolutely nothing to help. Bullshit that I couldn't explain if I wanted to happens and now Angela's not afraid anymore, woo hoo, they're back together. She tells Shawn she loves him and it's just uncomfortable for me since her dad verbally beat it out of her. The audience cheers so damn loud when she says it too, ugh, everything is wrong with this scene.
To close out the episode, we see bloopers of another sneak attack from Eric, where he tries to hide in the sofa.
It's pretty damn amazing. I'm really glad they included this in the episode.
Plot: 0.25 - I like Eric's revenge plot.
Character Development: 0.5 - Shangela are back together, but it was so forced that I can't even be slightly happy about it.
Humor: 0.75 - Pretty much just Eric, some Cory too though.
Life Lesson: 0 - Please, please, please do not treat your children like Crapster Sergeant Moore treats Angela.
1.5 out of 4.0. - It is an absolute shitshow except for the fun bits with Eric. But at least the Shawn/Angela conflict is over (again), and I'm pretty sure it's for good this time. That's finally done.
Thanks for reading, see you Monday for the worst Eric-centered episode in the series.
All images used under Fair Use.
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