Let's start calling it The Apartment again, since Shawn is living here again. He's discussing "the kids" with Angela, and how they haven't had a moment alone since "the kids" got here. Cory and Topanga emerge from the bedroom area in large pajamas acting like children. So that's the joke here, and boy do they make sure we know it.
Shawn: "I hate the kids."
Fortunately Angela shares Shawn's eagerness to get rid of the most annoying newlyweds on television. And the two are both pretty funny in their derision of Cory and Topanga. Eventually they got forced out the door, and it's unclear where they wander off to in their pajamas. At The Union the next day, Rachel tells Angela (woah this is rare, when are these two ever alone together?) that she's going to become a dorm RA so as not to interfere with Angela's relationship with Shawn. But interfering with Cory and Topanga is fine, obviously, since she kicked them out just last episode.
Shawn comes in with a gigantic St Bernard that he apparently has bought for him and Angela. I don't think we ever see it again after this episode. Over at Brew Lagoon, there's a slight shift in management.
Eric: "And who might you be, pretty lady?"
Attractive woman: "I'm your new boss."
Her dad is the chancellor of the univeristy, and she admits that this is blatant nepotism, but tough tuchus. Braindead Zombie Eric is here today, and he has no problem being dominated by this girl. It's Desiree times a million, and at least with Desiree he was capable of feeling shame. And he was actually dating Desiree. So as usual, Braindead Zombie Eric is funny but completely one-dimensional and predictable. Oh and she's played by Nicole Eggert who was on Charles in Charge, but I only know that because Family Guy made a joke about it. She was also a recurring character on BAYWATCH. THERE'S A SURPRISE. And she did some voice acting for "The Dog Who Saved Easter" in 2014, widely regarded as the Citizen Kane of our time.
Jack isn't going to put up with her bullshit though and vows to protect Eric from her. It's an interesting gesture, because on one hand I really like what it says about Jack, but on the other it reminds us that Eric is a weak willed sod who has basically enslaved himself to this girl 10 seconds after meeting her. After everything Eric went through in the first six seasons, he should be able to handle this girl all on his own. It's the same thing I (and commenters) have been saying for a while. His entire character has been sacrificed for humor.
In another attempt to convince us that dorm contracts don't exist, Cory and Topanga are shopping around for a new home. they find one they really love that they can't possibly afford (as indicated by Topanga). Some woman who gets applause from the audience is the realtor but I don't recognize her.
Topanga: "This man is a dope."
Said the woman who just a few hours ago screamed for spaghetti in her full body pajamas.
This actress is Jo Anne Worley, most known as a performer on something called Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In from 1968-1970. She was Belle's big wardrobe in Beauty and the Beast, and even brought that voice back for the Kingdom Hearts games, so she's definitely got my approval. Apparently there's a way for them to pay off this house over 30 years if they can get two parents to cosign the loan or whatever. Alan rightfully refuses since he doesn't want to lose his own house when Cory inevitably misses a payment. It plays out a lot like the scene with Cory and Alan from the last episode, with Amy more willing to support her husband's side this time. Like last time, I appreciate the spirit of the scene. Cory wants his parents to save him, Alan knows that married adult Cory has to stand on his own.
Alan: "Cory, my son, whom I love, figure it out."
It may seem like Alan's being unnecessarily harsh, but it's not like the kids are living in the streets. They've got a place to live.
Shangela are visiting the Looks-Like-It-Was-Once-On-Fire couples dorm of their friends, and Shawn brings the smackdown onto Cory.
Shawn: "Imagine you had some pride in the place and fix the rusty pipes! You wanna live in a nice place you have to work at it!"
This scene is awesome. This is the guy who grew up in a dirt poor trailer park eating fish cooked on the engine of his dad's car. And now his upper middle class friend won't stop bitching about this place he's made no effort to improve. Damn right he's pissed! Shawn is the perfect guy to set Cory straight on this matter. On the other hand, I can't shake this nagging feeling that the writers didn't really intend all of that since no one ever mentions the fact that Shawn lives in worse conditions for most of his life. I wish Shawn (or anyone else, for that matter) had brought that up explicitly. Also there's a box from Popeye's on top of the fridge here, just like at The Apartment.
It seems that Cory doesn't listen to Shawn, so he and Angela hit the road. At The Union, it's more of the same. Eric likes the attractive mean boss lady (her name is Bridget by the way), Jack tries to convince him not to. That's the whole scene. And Jack ends up getting fired for insubordination.
Cory makes an attempt at fixing the sink, but wins up engaged in a game of Swamp Thing, a sort of goofy little sex game. It's endearing, and shows us that they might finally be getting more comfortable here. The random baby-carrying woman from last episode shows up again with her baby, complaining that it never stops crying and yada yada. Topanga offers to watch the baby so Random Baby Carrier Woman can get some sleep. I'm not sure what the point is. Is it that they're making friends here? That they're becoming more attached to this place via attachment to their neighbor? Something like that.
Cory uses The Power of Love and Hollywood™ to fix the sink.
It's dumb and not believable, but it works as a symbol that Cory is finally willing to invest some time into making his new home look nice. So there's the progress.
At The Apartment we get a TOTALLY INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCENE with Shawn and Angela. Shawn doesn't think they've earned their nice apartment, and therefore they don't deserve to live there, and what the fuck is he even talking about. It's an apartment. You earn it by paying rent. And also he's jealous of Cory's shitty dorm, but he also wants to hold on to the nice things that he has, except not the apartment, I don't get it. It's a jumble of attempts at being emotional and none of it really breaks through to me.
That's the dog.
At the Matthews house, it's time for one last confrontation between Cory and his parents. He explains his new sense of independence and his motivation to spruce up The Dorm. Doesn't seem like he ever tells Shawn or apologizes to him for being a total ass, but whatever. Cory's parents are proud of him, and hey, so am I.
Alan: "We made a life for ourselves with nobody's help but our own. I would never take that away from you, son."
During the credits, we learn that Angela is out of The Apartment and Jack and Eric are moving back in. That's highly exciting for me, but I don't get how it happened. Was Angela moving out implicit in that last scene with Shawn? That whole thing is just a void to me. Anyway, it looks like she's going to be rooming with Rachel now. The Apartment will now be called THE APARTMENT since the original 3 are all back. At THE APARTMENT, the dog licks Eric's face and, despite what the audience may think, it's not funny. Glad our boys are back home, though. Real glad.
You know that Green Day song Welcome to Paradise? That song always makes me think of this stupid little dorm arc. It's pretty much exactly what that song is about.
Plot: 0.25 - It's just a continuation from last time. Cory and Topanga whine until they have a very abrupt change of heart. Jack and Eric have a dominatrix as a boss.
Character Development: 1.0 - Cory and Topanga claim their independence, but I don't honestly care that much. The point is coming from Shawn. Shawn's low class status was integral to his character for the first five seasons, but as soon as he went to college it just sort of disappeared. It did make a one-episode return when Chet died, but still, it's gone largely without mention for a while. But in this episode it was relevant in a big way, or at least, in my head it was. Nobody ever mentions his poverty, so there's a real chance that the writers didn't have that in mind. Who knows.
Humor: 0.5 - Eric was pretty un-funny. Guaranteed that someone disagrees and loves this Eric, but it just doesn't work for me.
Life Lesson: 1.0 - Independence or whatever.
2.75 out of 4.0. Aside from my perception of that scene with Shawn, the only interesting thing about this episode is that Rachel and Angela appeared alone in a scene together. Rachgela is definitely new. Next episode is gonna be a real chore, not looking forward to it.
Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.
All images used under Fair Use.
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