(there's a picture of it here, mobile folks)
So there we go guys, mission accomplished. Blog complete. The rest of these reviews are just gravy.
Shawn and his cartilage piercing are making out with Angela outside The Union. A nearby Topanga is filling out a longevity quiz in Couples Magazine, verified for authenticity by health specialists across the globe, while Cory eats onion rings dipped in melted cheese. This is a refreshingly full scene! Cory interacts with both Topanga and Shawn, Shangela is actually entertaining, and Topanga's pretty funny too! Good start. Doesn't last long, but definitely a good start
The absolutely real and definitely-should-be-taken-seriously longevity quiz informs us that Cory should already be dead. He apparently can't feel his legs now, so the other three decide to go to a movie.
Cory: "If you're not gonna take care of me now, who's gonna take care of me when I get old?"
That total nonsense question there is the basis of Cory's story in this episode. But you know what, that's okay, because it's supposed to be silly background noise while Eric takes the spotlight. So let's see what he's up to.
This is something we don't usually see on Boy Meets World, and that's because it's profoundly annoying and it breaks the immersion. When Eric walks on-set, the audience starts cheering, preventing him from saying his lines. We just have to sit here watching and listening to the cheer and applause. I get it when the character is wearing or doing something of note, but he's wearing totally normal clothes and he simply walks into the kitchen. You are at the WRONG set, obnoxious audience. Unfortunately, that's not my only complaint here.
Here's a recap of this scene. 1. Eric wants to work at his dad's store. 2. Eric is about to graduate and is only taking two classes this semester. 3. Alan doesn't want Eric working at his store because he thinks his son is an idiot.
1. Reasonable. Eric is worried about his future so he's defaulting to the safe option.
2. NOT reasonable. This is his third year of college, how can he possibly take so few classes and graduate so quickly? Is he just getting his Associate's degree? Seems like a waste.
3. NOT reasonable. This is really not fun anymore. I thought we were done with this after Security Guy and Raging Cory. After all this time, Alan still doesn't respect Eric? Alan is so close to being the perfect TV dad, but this really spoils it for me.
Amy thinks it's a great opportunity for Eric to get some work experience. What really bugs me about this is that no one ever mentions that Eric has already worked at Alan's store. For better or worse, he has worked there before, and that's very relevant information! But nobody remembers!
So now we have to watch a pretty terrible scene of Cory at the doctor's office. I'm gonna skip talking about it because it's not funny and also not important. The only plot element is that Cory is convinced there's something wrong with him and wants every test there is.
We're in The Kitchen in the evening after Eric's first day at the store, and to Alan's great surprise, Eric did very well. Amy is here as the original Eric-defender of the day, but her relationship with Eric just isn't developed enough for us to really care, and the writers knew that, so they also brought in Mister Feeny. Feeny has a lot to say in Eric's defense. It's always nice to hear, but he really shouldn't have to anymore, right?
WHY DOESN'T ALAN BELIEVE IN HIS SON? HE GOT INTO COLLEGE. HE TOOK CARE OF AN ORPHAN BOY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS. HE'S BEEN WORKING AT THE UNION FOR AT LEAST A SEMESTER. THIS IS A CAPABLE, RESPONSIBLE PERSON. HOLY SHIT IT'S SEASON 7, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.
Ughhhhhh, and it only gets worse from here! Now that Eric has proved capable at the store, Alan wants to keep him there forever to keep him from struggling out in "the real world". I'm gonna take a direct quote from 5x01 when Alan kicks Eric out of the house near the end of the episode, "In every kid's life there comes a time when he's just got to move on. And I hate that that time has come, but I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't recognize it, ... If I didn't think you could make it, I wouldn't be kicking you out."
To, once again, quote the wise Ben Sandwich, WE'RE DOING THIS STORY AGAIN?
Amy: "You have no faith in your son."
We get a firsthand look at Eric while he's working, and for some reason everyone is standing off in the background watching. Jack and Rachel are there struggling with thought of what they want to do after graduating. Jack realizes that his dual major of engineering and journalism hasn't led him to a career that he wants, and Rachel's in a similar situation. I'm pretty curious what Eric majored in, but we'll never know. I actually appreciate this a lot. Even after four years (or three, in this case) of college, most people still don't know how they want to spend their lives, and anyone who claims that they do is probably putting up a front. There are exceptions, of course, but for the general audience this is nice to see from Jack and Rachel.
Alan uses their struggle to reinforce his position: by hiring Eric, he's protecting him from what Jack and Rachel are going through. Oh hey remember when Rachel became an RA and decided to live with Angela? I wonder how that's going. I'm sure they'll bring it up soon. That's totally unrelated, but I forgot about it until now. (I initially wrote this in sarcasm, but as is the way of things, the very next episode starts by reminding us of both of those things.)
I'd like to direct you again to that quote from 5x01, "If I didn't think you could make it, I wouldn't be kicking you out." Come on Alan. I think if we hadn't covered this extensively in past seasons, this episode would be fine. But we're supposed to be past this! There is no way to redeem this story, I'm sorry.
Alan specifically uses the words "He's safe here," and that brings back that story about the "kid gloves" in Security Guy, and even the end of Security Guy when Alan reassures Eric about his future on the condition that "you don't take the easy way out." BUT HERE IS ALAN TODAY, in season 7, encouraging, practically forcing Eric to take the easy way out. This episode is unbelievably frustrating, it's almost as self-contradicting as "this is our first fight ever" in the last episode.
HOLY SHIT IT'S GETTING WORSE. Amy points out that Rachel and Jack believe they're capable of anything, and listen to Alan here, "not everyone is capable of anything." Yeah that's great Alan, way to completely shit on your son, especially after you reassured Eric that he could be anything he wanted back in Security Guy. Hold on, I need something with alcohol in it.
At The Dorm, Shangela and Topanga talk about how insane Cory is acting, and it's pretty entertaining, but maybe that's just relative to the previous scene. I mean this City Slackers compares to the sludge we just went through with Alan.
Cory: "He gave me these placebos. ... I HAVE TO BE ON THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"
As usual, weird/angry Cory is funny. The other three are about to head out to a movie to avoid Cory again, but Topanga comes back. We get a very drawn out scene of her deciding to comfort Cory, because hey, that's what you do when you love somebody. And he comments that he'll want to do the same for her whenever she's scared or sick. It's all pretty adorable even if it takes too long. So at least this episode isn't pure evil.
Alright let's close this thing out. Back at The Store, Alan initiates a conversation with Eric about his future. In an absolutely STUNNING display of continuity, he brings up the fact that Eric always wanted to be a weatherman. Eric says you have to know about meteorology to be a weatherman. COME ON WRITERS. ERIC IS IN COLLEGE. JUST ONE OFFHAND COMMENT THAT HE TOOK A COURSE IN METEOROLOGY HERE WOULD SEND ME TO THE MOON. WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THAT? AHHHHHHHHHH.
After an uplifting conversation that they already had in Security Guy, Eric thinks he wants to either be a weatherman or a veterinarian, which is perfect and makes me smile, so the writers get an A+ on that. Jack and Rachel show up to recruit Eric for dinner, and Alan sends him on his way to be in career-limbo with his friends, as he should be.
Alan: "You be with your friends. I belong here, you belong with your friends."
Okay I said this story was irredeemable, but that line was a very strong attempt at redemption. Perhaps the most critical component of Alan's character is that he worked as hard as he could to make sure his children have a better life than he had. So "I belong here, you belong with your friends" is a genuinely beautiful way of capturing that part of him. And Russ's delivery is spot on. That hits pretty hard.
That's pretty much the end. During the credits, Cory's crazy uncle who thinks he's Sammy Sosa shows up at The Dorm and wastes everybody's time for a while.
Plot: 0.25 - The endings of both stories worked for me, but the paths there were pretty unbearable for the most part.
Character Development: ? - I don't know. Alan regressed so much that I can't bring myself to give him credit for the progress. But the ending was great! I just don't know.
Humor: 0.5 - Humor duty pretty much all fell on Cory.
Life Lesson: Iunno. Don't be a jerk to Eric.
Whatever. This episode made me furious for the first 18 minutes, and then managed to rope me in at the end. I wish I'd written this summary while I was furious. I can't stand how disrespectful Alan was to his own son for most of it, especially since we're supposed to be past it already. It's not worth the ending, I'll say that much.
Thanks for reading! Only three weeks left. See you Monday.
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