And to the folks who pointed out the Cat's in the Cradle lyric references, thanks! Both instances of that went completely over my head.
So last review I sarcastically claimed that they would surely reintroduce the fact that Angela and Rachel are living together, as well as Rachel's job as an RA. The universe does not allow me to have fun, so indeed that's what happens immediately in this episode. Shawn and Angela are making out on Angela's bed, apparently they're the new Jack+Rachel, while Cory and Topanga read magazines and make an inconsiderate mess on Rachel's bed.
Rachel comes home complaining about how awful her RA job is. Apparently the only reason she took this job was to get a reserved parking spot, but someone parked in her spot today! And clearly that is grounds for losing your fucking shit. But hey, she's had a bad day, there's more going on here than just the parking spot, and it's all made worse when we learn that Shawn Hunter is the parking spot stealing troublemaker. Instead of just apologizing, Shawn and Cory decide to be unreasonably mean to Rachel about it.
It has the same feeling as You Light Up My Union, when these two went through Rachel's underwear. The actors are doing the exact same voices as that episode too, and we're feeling that same, like, "who are these guys?" as we did back then. So I'm really not a fan of that aspect, but we need to start a war here which means SOMEBODY'S gotta be a jerk.
Rachel bans the boys from The Dorm and they swear their revenge. The War begins the next morning when Rachel and Angela are awoken by the sound of Rachel's car alarm going off inside their room. Because that's where the car is. While The Dorm Car Strike may not have been fully warranted, it was certainly an impressive move by the Cory Shawn Federation to kick off The War.
The War's first parley takes place here in The Union, and the Rachel Republic has brought UN Inspector Feeny to investigate allegations of war crimes. But after hearing the story, Feeny... doesn't dish out any punishment at all.
Feeny, laughing with Shawn and Cory: "Well that's just plain brilliant!"
It speaks to the cosmic power of Team Cory Shawn that not even Feeny can bring them down. Except that he's brought them down a thousand times before. Maybe Feeny got laid that morning, or maybe he has a soft spot for the boys' pranks after Bee True. Whatever the reason, it looks like they've gotten away with this one. Speaking of, Dean Bolander got totally swept under the rug after her wedding at the end of season 6. State of the Unions was her last episode in the series. I don't think they even mention her this season.
The girls break The First Parley as Rachel squirts water out of a water bottle onto Cory, and Angela does the same into Shawn's pants. This event is known to most historians as The Union Water Ambush, and is widely regarded as a turning point in The War. These sorts of guerilla tactics were largely ineffective, yes, but they set the tone for future events.
Topanga arrives as the boys are recuperating from The Union Water Ambush, and it's unclear at first who she'll be reinforcing, but indeed she views The Dorm Car Strike favorably, and thus lends her strength to the Cory Shawn Federation.
See that guy in the background? That is amazing.
The Second Parley occurs in the independent border nation of The Apartment. Both the Rachel Republic and the Cory Shawn Federation (or CSF) have held ground here in the past, and now they're both looking to bolster their ranks. The Kingdom of Jack has long been allied to the CSF under the terms of the Treaty of Hunter Brotherhood, but Prime Minister Rachel makes some ethically-grey promises (that will likely go unfulfilled) to King Jack, convincing him to renounce the CSF and fall under Rachel's banner.
The United States of Eric are also in attendance at The Second Parley, constantly trying to insert themselves into The War, even though no one wants them there. I know it sets up the plot, but this is a perfect example of the changes they made to Eric this season. What happened to "THE MATTHEWS BRUTHAAAS"? And Jack is his best friend for crying out loud.
Feeny's giving a lecture to all of the warring nations, which is odd since some are seniors while the others are sophomores. The lecture is on the Civil War, and hey! That's awesome, we haven't had a school lesson tie in with the plot for far too long.
After a brief ceasefire between Shawn and Angela, the flames of war reignite here in the classroom. The United States of Eric plead for the others to make peace, despite just yesterday being desperate to join The War.
Okay I'm done with the war-history gag now, because there's no good way to describe what's about to happen. We quickly discover that Team Rachel put superglue on the chairs of Cory, Shawn, and Topanga, then poured honey on them and left the room as a ferocious bear roams into the classroom.
As we all know, the final straw comes next in The Union, where Cory and Shawn have blown up a sexy picture of Rachel and put it on display. The prank war is over at this point, and everyone thinks Shawn and Cory crossed the line with this since, as we all know, implied nudity is worse than literally putting peoples' lives in danger. This poster thing is a pretty scummy thing to do, and definitely goes beyond the conventional standards of a prank war, but RACHEL ATTACKED THEM WITH A BEAR. I really wish they hadn't done the bear thing. It's so absurd and over the top that it takes away from the emotion of this scene. How can I take all these emotions seriously when they just got attacked by a huge bear in a classroom? How can Rachel play the victim when she almost killed Cory, Shawn, and Topanga with a bear? I also want to point out once again that they can't get through a single story involving Rachel without bringing up her appearance. The fact that she's good looking has to come up EVERY SINGLE TIME.
The much more compelling aspect here is when Topanga shows up. Apparently she wasn't informed about the posters, and takes the exclusion personally. In fact, the whole reason she sided with Team Cory Shawn was to "be part of the legendary team," and recalling the toast Shawn gave at their wedding about stepping aside for Topanga, we can understand why she's so hurt about being left out. This is by far the most interesting thing the writers have done with Topanga in a very long time. This draws on the entire history of these three to delivery a genuinely powerful punch.
Things only get worse when Cory makes an offhand comment about how they haven't been friends with Rachel for very long. She takes it understandably hard. Everyone insists that she's their close friend, in particular that she was one of Topanga's bridesmaids, which in my opinion is sufficient evidence that she's actually part of their group, but Rachel is inconsolable at this point.
We have to stop and consider how we view Rachel as well. Is our lack of interest coming from the short time she's been around? That's how she thinks the others see her, and it makes you stop for a second and wonder if that's our hangup as well, but I don't think it is. Lauren is a good example, she managed to be interesting right away. And Harley, and Nunzio, and Griff, and Eric's old best friend Jason. This show is perfectly capable of making us care about characters without long exposure. They just weren't able to do it with Rachel. It barely seems like they even tried. She was just a trophy to be obtained by Eric and Jack for a whole season. Sorry Rachel, but my lack of interest in you is simply because you're not interesting.
The rest of the episode is showing all the other relationships fall apart. Jack and Angela are upset that they aren't part of the inner circle, Topanga is sad that she was left out, and for no reason that I can think of at all, Shawn is also mad at Cory. For now, at least. It's gone by the start of the next episode, so I don't really get it.
All that's really left is Eric. He makes some pretty adorable attempts at using Ghandi's philosophies to mend things between the Hunter boys at The Apartment. It falls apart though when Jack points out that no one wanted Eric on their team earlier, causing Eric's heart to quite visibly break in two.
Plot: 1.0 - I don't find myself very invested in what happened to Rachel, but the Eric and Topanga parts definitely hit hard. Topanga especially. Her feelings of exclusion are totally justified and we have the entire series to draw on for the emotional punch of that exclusion. I think it's awesome that they decided to address Shawn's toast from the wedding this way. Up until now, it looked like we had a smooth transition to Topanga being the best friend.
Character Development: 1.0 - Interesting developments for Topanga and Eric, as well as Rachel even though it's not as emotional for the viewer. We have to deal with the fact that Eric's development is founded on the fact that he's a braindead zombie this season, but still.
Humor: 0.75 - Everybody was pretty funny up until the poster ordeal when things got all gloomy.
Life Lesson: 0.5 - Being excluded fucking hurts.
3.25 out of 4.0. It's a good episode even though the bear prank is completely insane. We also have to remember that this is a buildup episode for Part 2, and it does a fantastic job of building up the things that it needs to. I still don't understand the tension between Cory and Shawn, and there's no reason for Team Rachel to have any lingering animosity, which will be an important thing to think about in the next episode. Either way, the Topanga and Eric angles are enough for me to be completely satisfied with this episode.
Thanks for reading, see you Wednesday.
All images used under Fair Use.
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